The Pitch Meeting for G.I. Joe
Another movie based on toys? You betcha! We listen in on the creative process that brings such wonders to our screens.
Sienna Miller in 'G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra' -
Paramount Pictures
How does a movie go from concept -- take a beloved plaything from our youth and craft a loving, nostalgic story around it -- to this?
Film.com spies acquired a transcript of the pitch meeting and can now reveal all: Stephen Sommers: Dudes, you're gonna love this: It's an action movie ... based on toys! Studio Exec #1: Oh, man, another Transformers? Studio Exec #2: Cha-ching! I smell a $200 million opening weekend! [sounds of hand-slapping and chest-thumping] Sommers: Um, no, it's not Transformers. It's G.I. Joe. Exec #1: G.I. who? Exec #2: Who-joe? Exec #1: Is that like Cujo? Are we talking robot dogs or something? Sommers: No no no. G.I. Joe. Soldier stuff. You remember? The action doll with the kung-fu grip and the weird fake beard...? Exec #2: Action Doll! I smell a franchise for Megan Fox... Sommers: No, G.I. Joe was a badass soldier, and when you pushed his back his arm went chop chop chop, and he didn't have that fake plastic hair Ken had -- this was the only doll who needed a shave, man! Exec #1: I think my dad had one of those... Exec #2: So it's about martial arts fighters in disguise? Sommers: Never mind about the beard. Exec #1: What does the G.I. stand for? Sommers: You know, it's like ... that's what they called soldiers ... a while ago, anyway. Exec #2: Yeah, like your grandfather who fought in the Civil War at Normandy. [snort] Sommers: Umm-- Exec #1: Look, we gotta make it cool and 21st century. Instead of one soldier, how about a whole team of badass mofos? Sommers: Umm-- Exec #2: Yeah, and we can give them a wicked name like, er, Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity. Exec #1: Awesome. And they should be like the best operatives in the world, and can we make sure they all look like underwear models? Sommers: Umm-- Exec #1: And you know what would rock? If there was a goofy black guy who destroys millions of dollars worth of military hardware! Sommers: Oh, there will definitely be a goofy black guy. Exec #2: Excellent! I see Will Smith as the goofy black guy. Sommers: Umm, I was thinking more Marlon Wayans. Exec #1: Who the hell is Marlon Wayans? Exec #2: So who is your marquee name? Sommers: Dennis Quaid. [silence] Exec #2: What the hell, is this 1984? Is this Innerspace? Dennis freakin' Quaid? Sommers: Well... Exec #1: Please tell us there's at least a hot chick in tight leather kicking the crap outta bad guys. Sommers: Sure. Exec #2: Action Doll! Exec #1: Oh, dudes, we totally have to destroy a major world monument! That will look so great in the trailer! Exec #2: The Empire State Building? Exec #1: Been done. Exec #2: Mount Rushmore. Exec #1: Done. Exec #2: Big Ben. Exec #1: Bor-ring! Sommers: How about the Eiffel Tower? Exec #2: Excellent. Exec #1: And then, when the American superheroes show up to save Paris, they do as much damage to the city as the supervillain did! Exec #2: Perfect.
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