It took director James Cameron about 10 years to get his 3-D alien-human lovefest Avatar into theaters. He thinks it will take just as long to get 3-D glasses out — of home theaters at least, and hopefully movie theaters as well if 3-D cinema technology goes the way of 3-D television. Toshiba disagrees. Using the latest 3-D hologram technology, the company plans to release glasses-free 3-D TVs into the Japanese market by the end of 2010 — to the tune of about two to three thousand dollars for a 12- or 20-inch screen. Meanwhile, Nintendo 3DS will soon offer gamers glasses-free 3-D for a mere $300. Android phones, computers, and other technology are shrugging off the spectacles of oppression. We’re free at last! Sort of…

While all the glasses-free 3-D fanfare makes us hopeful for the future of 3-D film, it also reminds us why we’d really like to chuck those 3-D shades into the theater’s recycle bin one last time, forever.

Reasons we’re ready for glasses-free 3-D

1. No one makes passes at men (or women) with 3-D glasses

Leaning in to lock lips with your hot date? Hoping she or he will make a pass at you? Not likely when they look deeply into your awkwardly bespectacled orbs. Or if they still go for the snog, they’ll have a hard time following through once they hear (and feel) the un-sexy clunk of colliding frames.

2. Spectacle-ache

Wow, those flying dragons look spectacular … my 3-D glasses won’t stop itching … this is the best 3-D experience ever! Ooh, Tim Burton’s Cheshire Cat … they’re too tight, the ear pressure is making my brain hemorrhage. Ow, headache!

It’s often impossible to immerse yourself in the wonder of 3-D when you’re distracted by shoddy, uncomfortable, one-size-doesn’t-fit-all 3-D glasses. A Consumer Reports article reported that about 15 percent of moviegoers suffer headache and eyestrain during 3-D movies. Worse still is trying to keep your light-absorbing 3-D specs from sliding off your regular prescription frames.

3. One pair of 3-D glasses, hold the Staphylococcus

Ach! Cinema cooties! Theaters claim glasses are cleaned between uses BUT not a single pair a Good Housekeeping study examined was sterile. Their germy surfaces included bacteria-causing conjunctivitis, food poisoning, sepsis, pneumonia, and even Staphylococcus aureus, a common cause of staph infections. And you thought touching the bathroom door handle was risky!

4. Pardon me, that’s not your popcorn

Tired of explaining to the stranger in the seat next to you why your paws are in his nacho tray instead of the popcorn bucket you bought but can’t see? Polarized 3-D glasses are notoriously shady, a flaw we imagine glasses-free 3-D technology will eliminate. Even Dark Knight‘s Christopher Nolan has griped that “on an experiential level” he finds the “dimness of the [3-D] image extremely alienating.”

5. What’s better than recycling?

What’s better than recycling? Not making more trash — like the plastic garbage we have to pay a $5 to $7 surcharge for so we can see Steve-O’s butt cheeks in three dimensions.

Tags: 3-d, 3-d glasses, james cameron