Bad movies aren’t necessarily a bad thing and truth be told I’ve stayed a little too far away from them for too long. Bad movies can be good for the soul. They make you appreciate the better ones when you see them. At the very least, they can make you laugh at their absurdity. A good bad movie has to be absurd. If not, it’s just no fun at all.

Now, when I originally set out to write this article it was to break down the top video game adaptations. After thinking about this for two or three seconds, it became apparent this was an impossible task. They’re all terrible. So I’ve changed my “Top Five Video Game Adaptations” list to “Five Fun Game Adaptations.” See what I did there? First, I removed “Video” from the title just so I can throw Clue in there. Then I removed “Top” and added “Most Fun” to the title. That really opens things up, doesn’t it? I no longer have to worry about the quality of the movie. I can let the camp and unintentional comedy just wash over me. And that’s not to say this is a list of all terrible films either. Totally not the case, or else movies like BloodRayne and other Uwe Boll features would have made the cut. No, these are movies I actually enjoyed watching, whether it was on a perverse level or not.

Mortal Kombat
A really dumb but completely harmless and entertaining diversion. And come on, that techno song rocked the house. It rocked the house all night long.

Clue

The best movie on this list. Period. I love Clue. I’m not really digging the idea of a remake. I love the original cast too much. They’re too ingrained in my memory. Tim Curry was a mad genius. Madeline Kahn is Mrs. White. And sweet Jesus, Eileen Brennan is Mrs. Peacock. I can quote this movie up-and-down and I don’t feel one ounce of shame in this.

Silent Hill

This movie is on the list mainly because director Christophe Gans actually does a halfway decent job adapting the popular video game to the big screen. It isn’t very scary, but it’s entertaining enough and in this genre of films, that’s enough. A modest victory for game adaptations.

Dungeons and Dragons
This film is required viewing for the inebriated. I’m not telling you guys to drink and watch … No, no, that’s exactly what I’m saying. Buy yourself a keg, attach a nice fat straw, and pop this in the DVD player. This movie is amazing. Don’t ask me what the end means. Don’t ask the filmmakers either. Trust me, they don’t know. But I do know these clowns thought there was going to be a sequel and that’s what makes the experience of watching this piece all the more sad. Is there anything more exhilarating than watching a movie that promises a sequel knowing full well it will never in a million years happen? No. No, there isn’t.

Super Mario Bros.
Holy Koopa Troopa, this is an experience. To be fair, this is a film only a Nintendo nerd could sit through. But it’s a necessary thing. You can’t survive in the world unless you’ve had your heart broken early on. Well, ladies and gentlemen, this is how you grow up. This movie is responsible for more wrinkles than I care to recognize. Nobody could have thought it would work. On any level. And it doesn’t. On any level. Nothing looks, feels, or acts as it should. At all.

There is only one way to watch this film. You come home. It’s 3 a.m. Denny’s is still warm in your tummy. You flip on the television set. You see Dennis Hopper (in the role of a lifetime). You think, What the hell is this? You keep watching. Twenty minutes later you start wondering how this could have happened. Did you black out? You keep watching. You’re just drawn to it, like the tape in The Ring. It’s an hour now. But you keep watching. The credits roll. You sleep deeply that night, clutching the blankets. The sun comes up in the morning. You begin to cry. You start eating better and working out more often. You donate to more charities. You pick up Tolstoy. This lasts two weeks.

Tags: adaptations, video games