Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007)

Rise of the Silver Surfer is the perfect summer movie, that is if you're eight years old or under. For the rest of us, the sequel to the first Fantastic Four that miraculously amassed more than $150 million in 2005, is a plotless, brainless, witless bore. It's not egregiously awful like the first film. Just plain awful in that formula way that kills your spirit and all hope for summer movies.

This time the Fan Four -- if you need their origin stories just Google them for pity's sake -- are out…

Aided and abetted by generally great-looking special effects from New Zealand's Weta Workshop, writer-director Tim Story moves past some of the awkward meet-and-greet of the first film, but this time he's dropped much of the intended pathos. Story's visual style is far more polished and appealing this time around, but the helmer still lacks the fully-fledged senses of the cosmic, the cinematic, the mind-blowing, the genuinely human and the downright funny to fully convey the true head…