Eric D. Snider March 5, 2010
The main difference between the Academy Awards and the Golden Globes — apart from the Oscars being fairly legitimate while the Globes are a hilarious farce perpetrated by Hollywood suck-ups — is that during the Globes telecast, the audience gets drunk. People at the Academy Awards are much more dignified. But that doesn’t mean you, the home viewer, must suffer in sobriety! To keep your drinking regulated and well organized, we offer the following…
A Drinking Game for Oscar Night
For these events, which are frequent, take a sip of beer or wine.
An award recipient finishes his or her speech and then tries to walk off the stage in the wrong direction.
The music comes on to make a person stop talking, and the person acknowledges the music and keeps talking.
Someone makes a joke about the show being too long.
A winner’s speech includes an overtly political statement or a plea for people to send money to disaster-stricken countries.
A winner tries to connect whatever his or her movie was about to real-world problems (e.g., a Precious winner talking about abuse; a Hurt Locker winner mentioning the war in Iraq; an Up winner discussing the balloon shortage; etc.).
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For these events, which are less common but bound to occur, take a shot of liquor.
We cut to a reaction shot from Jack Nicholson for no reason.
A non-white person wins an award and we cut to a shot of someone in the audience who has no connection to the winner except being of the same race. (Our prediction: When Mo’Nique wins, we get a reaction shot from Halle Berry.)
Someone wins what is clearly a “lifetime achievement” award rather than recognition for the specific film they were nominated for (coughJeffBridgescough).
An award is presented by someone who is obviously only there because he or she has a movie coming out.
Someone thanks his or her agent, manager, or lawyer, but not his or her spouse or partner.
An actor tries to be different by not wearing any kind of necktie.
An actress shows up in a dress that makes everyone in the room gasp at how awful it is, like where you figure she must be wearing it as a prank.
***Please drink responsibly. Do not drink if you are driving, pregnant, or Rip Torn.***
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Eric D. Snider (website) doesn’t play drinking games, reindeer games, or patriot games.
Categories: No CategoriesTags: Academy awards, Jeff bridges, Oscars