Movies are made to enlighten and entertain. Movie trailers are made to enlighten us about pieces of entertainment that will soon be available for our consumption. Death Race, which opens this weekend, wants to enlighten us on the exciting sport of racing cars. In prison. To the death.

Huh????

The Death Race trailer provides plenty of excitement; it's got exploding cars, prison fights, hot chicks, and the music of Guns 'n Roses. What it doesn't provide is a whole lot of logic. Here are some questions I hope the movie will answer in order to further enlighten me about this exhilarating new sport:

1. Did that lady who once ran for vice president really create the death race to get famous on YouTube, or is this just her attempt to solve the problem of the overcrowding of our nation's prisons?

2. Are there really British NASCAR drivers out there, or does Jason Statham actually think he’s speaking with an American accent?

3. How did all these hot chicks end up in prison? I know many women, far less hot, who are able to get out of speeding tickets with nothing more than a few bats of their eyelashes. Surely the ladies of Death Race have the assets to get away with much more heinous crimes.

4. How are these hotties able to maintain their hotness in prison? I doubt any state or federal facility could afford to provide the high-end shampoos and conditioners required to produce such shiny hair, let alone a flatiron for every inmate.

5. Do dangerous criminals sit around the cafeteria making snarky comments about the prisoners at the other tables? Does this mean being in prison is just like sitting in the cafeteria from Mean Girls?

6. If we have the technology to produce cars outfitted with flame throwers, grenade launchers, and machine guns, shouldn't we be using these vehicles to help fight crime, rather than letting convicted killers drive them?

7. Why bother risking your life by competing in the race at all? Why not just break out of the slammer in your death car? Would anyone really be able to stop you?

8. Did the writers pitch this as The Fast and the Furious-meets-Gladiator? (I'm actually going to take a guess at answering this one: Probably).

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