The Dark Knight is still in theaters, and Chris Nolan hasn’t even committed to a follow-up, but that doesn’t stop the rumors. With the Telegraph saying that Cher — yes, that Cher — has been cast as Catwoman and Johnny Depp fielding questions about playing the Riddler, it’s obviously a good time to jump in on the speculation.

The Batman series was in dire need of a reboot, but that doesn’t mean that there weren’t some good performances back there with the dreck. The Penguin, for example; I think Danny DeVito squeezed pretty much everything you can out of that one. But even though I liked Michelle Pfeiffer‘s Catwoman, it’s too big a character not to use. (Let’s just not think about Halle Berry.) My pick: Eva Mendes. She already has the feline thing down, and she can actually act.

This fan poster brings my favorite pick to life (h/t Rope of Silicon): Kristen Bell as Harley Quinn. There’s no way to bring in a new Joker that wouldn’t be sleazy, but this would be a great way to keep him in the story, with a female copycat out for revenge. And Kristen Bell is solid, really hitting her stride with Forgetting Sarah Marshall. (Second choice: Portia de Rossi.)

Poison Ivy is a great character, and Uma Thurman didn’t even come close. My pick: Cate Blanchett. She’s a little bit older than the usual summer blockbuster starlet, but that can be a good thing. She’s an amazing actress, and proved she could handle action spectacle in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

The Riddler is a classic villain, but I wouldn’t bet on Johnny Depp stepping in. How about Casey Affleck? He had that quiet crazy thing down in The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford.

There have been hundreds of lesser villains over the years, and most wouldn’t fit at all with the new realism, like mutant moles and people who turn into radiation. But here’s one that would work: The Wrath, an anti-Batman whose parents were killed by Commissioner Gordon when he was a rookie, who becomes a masked cop killer. Who is the seedy, gone bad version of Christian Bale, with a little bit of charm and a little bit of smarm, and a great actor to boot? Sam Rockwell.

Another minor villain who would fit into Nolan’s Gotham City is the Sewer King, who lives underground with an army of runaway children. Fine, in the animated series he was kind of lame, but it could be tweaked into something good, especially if Al Pacino was playing him, looking all gaunt and sewer-y. (He’d have to sign a contract to tone it down, though; no room for “hoo-ah!” here.)

For my last pick, I’m going out on a limb. Why not resurrect Egghead, played by Vincent Price in just two episodes of the campy TV series, and give the part to John Malkovich? Come on, this is genius! I know Egghead isn’t exactly a top-50 Batman villain (his dastardly arsenal includes tear gas eggs, and he says stuff like “egg-sactly”), but Malkovich, with that shaved head and those crazy eyes, could pull it off. Just like Cesar Romero‘s Joker seems silly next to Heath Ledger‘s, get rid of the shtick and this could be creepy. Just look at this picture.