What’s wrong with splicing a smidge of human with animal DNA? What’s the worst that could happen? That’s the rationalization that fuels biotech researcher Elsa’s (Sarah Polley) obsession. She’s half of the geek world’s “it” couple, modern-day mad scientists Elsa and partner (professionally and romantically) Clive (Adrien Brody). Clive struts in a plaid suit while Elsa rocks her studded black leather jacket. If their fashion didn’t make a clear enough statement, their lab fridge full of celebratory champagne bottles labeled “Sid and Nancy” and “Bonny and Clyde” should be evidence enough that they’re not your pocket-protector-variety nerds. They’re cool (at least they think so). And don’t let Clive’s plaid trousers fool you; Elsa wears the pants in the couple (as in boss pants). Employed by Newstead Pharmaceutical, their latest creations are Fred and Ginger, two fleshy blobs that contain a medicinal protein that could be marketed to treat livestock illnesses. Newstead wants Elsa and Clive to curb their genetic tinkering and focus on producing the protein, but the researchers have other ideas: They want to add human DNA to their hybrid template so they can cure cancer and such. Well, actually, so they can do it before anyone else does (one Wired cover isn’t enough). Wary of the moral outrage, Newstead says no.

That doesn’t stop the dynamic duo — or Elsa, at least. Sure, human cloning is illegal, but their creation “isn’t human … not entirely.” Clive does what he does through most of the film: protests but then lets Elsa have her way. A dash of bird, a bit of fish, a sprinkle of Elsa’s special ingredient or whatever get tossed in a genetic blender and — presto! — a pod is born. With horrible lab hygiene Clive cuts into the pod and then sticks the genetic-goo-covered scalpel into his mouth. When Elsa tries to grab the splice baby inside, it stings her, sending her into a foamy seizure. Once they discover the bald, whiskered, rat-eyed infant (with a scorpion-like venomous tail) inside, Elsa’s motherly instincts kick in, though earlier in the film she told Clive she didn’t want children (apparently she meant human children). Clive tries to gas the creature but Elsa stops him. It’s aging days in minutes so it will die soon anyway, and she argues, “Do you think they could look at this face and see anything less than a miracle?” Of course not.

They sequester their unnatural spawn in the basement where, with Elsa’s tutoring, she communicates with birdlike coos and clicks and scrabble letters. When she spells out “nerd” on Elsa’s shirt, Elsa names her Dren. After Dren’s relocated to Elsa’s crazy mother’s abandoned barn, she throws tantrums like teens do because she never gets to go out. Not one to be disobeyed, Elsa goes a bit Mommie Dearest while Clive becomes the center of Dren’s world. If Elsa and Clive crossed the line when they spliced human DNA, they venture even farther into a moral nowhere land when Dren reaches sexual maturity.

Splice is a captivating genetic concept creepily cultivated in an atmosphere of sin, secrecy, dread (of moral and physical peril) and dimly lit, eerie underground or wintry locales. Masked by Dren’s spliced physique, actress Delphine Chaneac and young Dren Abigail Chu, skillfully convey the creature’s dangerous, innocent, sympathetic, and enigmatic personality with no lines. But the icky sex subplot that consumes most of the film makes the movie a little hard to respect dramatically. Did director/writer Vincenzo Natali think he needed sex to sell his cautionary sci-fi tale? Elsa and Clive are so far from likable or redeemable, they, along with their unfathomable decisions, are often off-putting. Aren’t scientists supposed to be smart? They make Dr. Frankenstein seem reasonable and charming, although I suppose some horror film fans may find their behavior part of Splice‘s skin-crawling appeal. At the end of the movie Elsa makes another horrifically bad decision that she justifies by saying “what could go wrong?” Where was she for the last 104 minutes of her movie life? A lot could go wrong Elsa, for you and the audiences– for, heaven forbid, Splice II.

Special Features:

The DVD’s one extra is behind-the-scenes footage that takes you on set to watch the making of a few scenes and hear Natali’s take on the making of and meaning of his film (it’s basically an analogy for very dysfunctional parenting). Green-screen footage of old and young Dren, or clips of the two of them learning how to walk and chirp like a splice mutant are briefly interesting. Mostly the feature flits from one scene, and one explanation for why Natali is unique and amazing, to another to give audiences an aerial view of the film’s genesis.

Splice is available now from Warner Home Video.

Tags: blu-ray review, splice