The first of the legitimate award shows, the Golden Globes, has come and gone (sorry if I hurt your feelings, People’s Choice Awards … nah, not really). It’s all got me in an award-giving mood, so I thought I’d hand out a few honorary awards to help spread the fever throughout the season.

Best Law Enforcement at the Theatre … Stan, The Ticket-Ripping Guy: Okay, I really don’t remember what the dude’s name really is, but there is a ticket ripper at one of the local theatres here in Palm Beach County that has been referred to as the Theatre Nazi. We’ll just call him “Stan.” He looks like a Stan. Now, Stan doesn’t look like much to the common eye, but beneath his pleasant though feeble demeanor is a warrior’s spirit. In an age where theatre employees couldn’t give a rat’s bum if minors get into rated-R films, Stan guards his post to the letter of the law. I’ve seen the guy get into more than a few verbal tussles with people who mysteriously can’t locate their tickets, can’t find their parents who are supposed to be accompanying them, or who tried to sneak in cans of cola or any other tasty non-establishment purchased treats (usually picked up at Wal-Mart, Target or the like). Yes, Stan, we salute you.

Best Use of the Word “Papi” … Monique, The Video Store Clerk: I won’t say who she works for, but it ends in “buster.” Before I leave the store with my latest rentals, there is about a 50% chance I get a “They’re due back next Wednesday, Papi.” Papi? Now that’s service. If I leave your store feeling like Antonio Banderas, you’re a winner in my book.

Best Sense of Justice … The Lack of Attendees at the People’s Choice Awards: Way to say what’s on your mind, Hollywood. To think, L.L. Cool J, Skeet Ulrich and David Spade were just some of the big-name presenters! As Film.com’s Laremy Legel alluded, most of the nominees who made it must have known they were going to win, am I right?

Best Comeback Joke of 2006 … Farts: Critics will get all high and mighty and raise their noses when a movie makes the terrible mistake of inserting a methane-induced joke. But farts made a huge comeback this year thanks to movies like Children of Men and Volver. The deviousness of this comeback is that they found homes in two of the year’s very best movies. I haven’t been this excited about gas since last night’s BBQ. Okay, too much information.

Best Humanitarian … Angelina Jolie: She edged out Clooney, who got Darfur on the map more successfully than any politician. I’m only including Jolie for now because Brad has a lot more to go before he convinces me he isn’t doing it all for the afternoon delight.

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Dre writes five times a week for Film.com, covering movies and DVD with his Floridian flare. E-mail him!