$35 for one movie ticket. $70 for a pair.

No, absolutely not. Not just no, but hell to the no! No one in their right mind will ever pay thirty-five dollars for the same experience they can have at a Googolplex or at home with their own DVD player.

Variety reports that a consortium of companies are teaming up to invest $200M on 50 luxury cinemas throughout the US. The theaters are to be first-class endeavors with digital and 3-D technology, armchairs, footrests, cocktails, appetizers, concierge service, and meals, including sushi, and they are planning to charge $35 for each and every one of their seats.

Rather than completely dismiss the idea, I wondered what it would take to fork over that kind of green. Seriously, let’s say a theater is offering a true first-class movie experience. What would the theater need, let me amend that – - what would the theater be required to make legally available to their patrons, that I would be willing to pay $35 dollars for – - and remember, I did say legal.

1. Online reserved seating and ticket sales

2. Ejection by usher for talking or cell phone use

3. Extreme rake to floor

4. High-back comfort seating

5. Clean and clear sound system

6. Large Massive screen

7. Bright and clear projection via union projectionist

8. Adults only

9. Cocktail service at seat, served via waitstaff

I’m an avid moviegoer: I would guess that I go to the movies more than 25 times a year (preferably opening night), and I have to admit the older I get the less I’m willing to put up with the diminishing returns of what theaters have to offer. Speaking to everyone that enjoys the opening night experience, everyone who follows the unwritten opening night rules of seating and decorum, are you not willing to admit the frustrations and anger at the long lines; are you not tired of running and fighting for specific seats, tired of the cramped seating, tired of struggling to see over the Wookies that sit in front of you, and tired of asking Mr. and Mrs. Megaphone (with infant!!!) to quiet down and stop playing with their PSP?

Movie theaters, much like airplanes, used to provide an experience that demanded a level of civility that is no longer available. Rather than sound like some crank like Bill O’Reilly or (sadly) David Mamet, I am willing to recognize the shift in times and roll with it, but would still like the opportunity to have a deluxe theater-going experience if I so choose.

It’s rumored that Tarantino spent more years designing his home theater than he did writing any of his scripts, which are brilliant by the way. I don’t have his cash, his mansion on the hill, or his free time, so when I go out to enjoy a film, I want to go out, kick back, and enjoy a film. To put it another way, I want to geek out, and I’m sad to say I’ve been unable to do so the past few years. I have been enjoying my time at The Big Picture and wonder whether I would put in more than double the cash for a truly first-class experience.

I guess I can’t officially say “no” to deluxe theater going for a truly first-class experience on something like the next Thin Red Line. I don’t think I’d be willing to pay that kind of money for Transformers but yes, maybe, for The Incredibles 2 or Avatar. Bottom line is that I’m willing to consider it, but the investors need to look closely at the list of requirements above. If they aren’t there, if this so-called deluxe temple is designed, built, and, especially, maintained on the cheap, it will be a quick flash in the pan and then back to the hidden flask, back to lines at the Googolplex, and back to saving up for my own home theater. A few quick investments, $200 at a time, and I’ll be set in no time.