In a stunning recent acquisition, Universal studios has purchased the rights from Hasbro to make a series of movies based upon their best selling games. And while certain games might obviously lend themselves to adaptation (Like Magic the Gathering or even Battleship) others offer only slightly more surreal interpretations. It’s hard to imagine, but they’ve secured the rights to make a Candy Land film and first up on the slate is none other than Monopoly. So we here at Film.com were wondering: what the hell would a Monopoly film look like? Here are a few possibilities.

Michael Bay’s Monopoly
Tagline: Do not pass Go, do not collect $200,000,000.
Stars: Ben Affleck, Megan Fox
What’s the story? Down-on-his-luck police detective Marvin Gardens (Affleck) can’t catch a break until he meets the beautiful Virginia St. Charles (Fox), a hot reporter onto an even hotter story. Someone has been buying up property along Mediterranean and Baltic Avenues and is busy constructing cheap hotels and housing tenements. But the shoddy construction is leading to a lot of accidents. One match and the whole town could explode! It all comes to a head when Affleck confronts the villain, a slumlord with a mouth, who cries “THIS is my get out of jail free card, #&%$*!” Cue the explosions, car chase and shoot out.

Monopoly (on My Heart)
Tagline: Sometimes all that stands between you and your dream is a little Luxury Tax.
Stars: Matthew McConaughey, Kate Hudson
What’s the story? He’s a rich beach bum who’s inherited the Boardwalk. She’s a wealthy go-getter who has consolidated real estate all along Park Place. But they’re both unlucky in love. Can these two hearts ever come together to form the perfect union? The rent can be high in this wacky, all-or-nothing romantic comedy. If you don’t know how this one ends, then you’ve probably never heard of McConaughey or Hudson.

Sophia Coppola’s Free Parking
Tagline: Sometimes the biggest scores are free.
Stars: Kirsten Dunst, Chris Pine.
What’s the story? When a bored wealthy heiress (Dunst) uses up the last of her rich uncle Pennybag’s goodwill, she risks being cut off from the family fortune. Oh poo. What's this uninteresting and personality-free spoiled brat to do? Her uncle has an idea -- he challenges her to run his downtown parking facility for a month. But she has to work for free. Will she be able to find a purpose in life? And what does the Hunky McHunkhunk of a parking attendant (Chris Pine) have to do with anything?

C. Robert Cargill - - - Email Me

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