As the WGA strike continues and stretches towards the end of its first month, my friends and a few readers have begun asking me, "What exactly does this mean?" They're asking what effect, if any, is this strike going to have on us? "Well," I always respond, "Do you like Heroes?" "Yeah," they all say. "Well, sit down and let me tell you a story."

First of all, no matter which side you fall on, the writers' strike sucks. Hard. This isn't a piece about who's right and who's wrong. This is a piece about how you and I are about to be screwed with our pants on by our much beloved entertainment.

The first casualty has been network television. The late night shows were the first, obvious losses. Then they canceled upcoming episodes of shows like Heroes: Origins. Remember that whole "Do you like Heroes?" question from the first paragraph? Well, Season 2 just got short sheeted and we're only getting half a season.

But NBC just this week dropped the real bomb. Their big winter premiere? American Gladiators. Oh. Hell. No. I'm not kidding. Yes, THAT American Gladiators. Reality television, kids. Once the WGA failed to get the reality producers and "writers" under their thumb, it was all over for us. Expect all the shows you love (that lack working writers) to be replaced by American Gladiators, American Gladiators Extreme Home Makeover and Who Wants to Marry an American Gladiator?

You feeling my pain yet?

But really. This is just the beginning. Here's how the strike is going to hit us Average Joes. First of all, the studios, fearful of a long strike, bought any and every piece of crap script that looked remotely interesting and fast tracked them into production. Why the fast track? Well, the big issue with the WGA strike is that it comes nine months before the scheduled strike and walkout by the Screen Actors Guild. This means if the studios want movies to put into theaters, then they have to buy scripts and have them filmed NOW, or else they won't have actors either. Remember high school when you tried to finish your homework right before the bell rang and the teacher asked for it? Didn't turn out so well, did it? Yeah. Welcome to strike era movie making.

The result coming our way is a glut of crap so foul, so uninspired and so… underwritten (remember, all the writers are on strike, so they can't rewrite or touch up anything in, or going into, production), that it will make movies like Next, Daddy Day Camp and Code Name: the Cleaner seem like fond memories. Next summer should be mostly fine. All of those big films have been in production for ages. Next spring is pretty all right as well. Most of those movies are in the can.

But next fall the pain begins. The winter and spring after that will feel like your girlfriend broke up with you the same week you quit smoking. You'll be jonesing for good cinema like a junkie before the first of the month. Then summer 2009? PREPARE for an epic suck unlike any you have ever seen. Unless this writers' strike ends soon and unless SAG doesn't pull the same kind of stunt (another strike). If they do, us film lovers are hosed. I mean, can you imagine? American Gladiators: The Movie. Please God, make it stop!

C. Robert Cargill - - - Email Me
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Austin-based Cargill, who not only loves but owns The Cutting Edge, writes on movies and DVD five times a week.

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