We're going to try something new here in the What2Watch column. Instead of talking about what's going to happen on tonight's live results hour of American Idol (Fox, 9 PM), I'm going to tell you what has already happened. I never even realized this was possible, but Paula Abdul has shown me the way. Her critique last night of a performance that Jason Castro had yet to give was every bit as perceptive as those that she does only after actually listening to the song, thus proving that I can confidently talk about events that won't take place until a few hours from now.

So here's what happened: Neil Diamond performed and fully lived up to the crowd-pleasing concert standard he's set for over 40 years. Natasha Bedingfield was likewise in fine voice, but the young Englishwoman has a lot to learn from Diamond about how to really reach an audience emotionally. And of course, the night climaxed with the touching elimination of Jason Castro, which he dealt with by expressing open-mouthed surprise that he's been on a television show for the last three months. Join us again tomorrow when I give you the numbers in this weekend's South Dakota state lottery.

America's Next Top Model (CW, 8 PM): The models make like gladiators during a shoot in Rome, with a shopping spree going to the winner.

Modern Marvels (History, 8 PM): I believe I've made my dislike of rats well known in this space, but I can't just not write about them when duty calls. Yes, they're vile and spread disease, and we meet the heroic exterminators who selflessly devote their lives to wiping them out. But apparently, rats are also useful in medical research. More rodent propaganda, no doubt.

Secrets of the Dead (PBS, 8 PM): "Escape From Auschwitz" is the true story of two Slovak Jews who attempted to alert the world of the horrors of the death camp, at a time it when it might have made a real difference.

'Til Death (Fox, 8 PM): Eddie realizes he's too emotionally closed off, and goes to a couples' seminar to change his ways.

Under One Roof (MNTV, 8:00 PM): Calvester has to deal with a former childhood bully who grew up to become a parole officer. In my experience, bullies usually wind up on the other side of the parole officer/parolee divide.

Wife Swap (ABC, 8 PM): A wife obsessed with keeping a spotless house swaps into a disorderly home where the mom's biggest love is drag racing.

Back to You (Fox, 8:30 PM): Chuck and Kelly recall the night Gracie was conceived. I like Kelsey Grammer, but I'm not sure I want to think too hard about him and the whole conceiving thing.

Get It Sold (HGTV, 8:30 PM): A family with three mortgages would like to unload their house, like, yesterday.

Carrier (PBS, 9 PM): The Nimitz leaves the Gulf and the crew commemorates crossing the equator in traditional fashion; sailors profess their faith in individual ways; a major storm creates issues for the pilots.

Criminal Minds (CBS, 9 PM): The crimes of a Miami serial killer appear to be tied to a confused sexual identity. A subplot tonight begins the process of transforming pregnant actress A. J. Cook into pregnant FBI grind J.J.

Farmer Wants a Wife (CW, 9 PM): The newest matchmaker reality show features ten women hoping that a good-looking farmer falls for their back 40. Tonight, the women have to wrangle chickens as part of their first challenge.

Ghost Hunters (SciFi, 9 PM): The team investigates claims made by volunteers who are restoring a former psychiatric hospital in West Virginia.

John Ratzenberger's Made in America (Travel, 9 PM): Visits to an oil refinery, Pittsburgh's PPG Place, and the Cape Hatteras lighthouse. There's very little rhyme or reason to how this show puts things together.

Supernanny (ABC, 9 PM): The kids this week are a little older than usual (ten and eight), meaning even more years of bad habits for Jo to wean the family off of.

Boston Legal (ABC, 10 PM): A female rancher opposed to the sale of cloned meat wants Denny to sue the FDA; Shirley asks Alan to step in when her nephew, a delegate to a political convention, doesn't want to vote for his state's choice.

CSI: NY (CBS, 10 PM): The death of a high school guidance counselor appears to point towards a student (come on, the Ivy League isn't everything!); the Taxicab Killer is back and slaying.

Dinner: Impossible (Food Network, 10 PM): Robert must create a four-course meal for a cross-cultural wedding blending Asian and Irish cuisine. Having been to my share of Irish weddings, an open bar is about all the cuisine he'll need on that side of things.

Law & Order (NBC, 10 PM): Anthony Anderson is on the murder beat as his Bernard joins Lupo in investigating the suicide of a writer who appears to have been involved with a cult.

The Big 4-0 (TV Land, 10 PM): Tanya is facing the end of a 20-year marriage, but her friends step in to cheer her up by planning a tropical vacation.

The Real World (MTV, 10 PM): There's not enough happening on this show to justify it being an hour long. Tonight, the roomies take up improv, Joey admits his problems with substance abuse, and Dave suggests a "friends with benefits" arrangement with Kimberly.

Top Chef (Bravo, 10 PM): The chefs are asked to create a decent meal using only one ingredient and a microwave. Hey, I have the microwave part down, and I believe a box of frozen food would qualify as "one ingredient," no?

UFO Hunters (History, 10 PM): It turns out the military does have a contingency plan for what would happen if a true UFO ever entered restricted air space, and those plans went into effect in 1965.

Lewis Black's Root of All Evil (Comedy Central, 10:30 PM): Andrew Daly and Patton Oswalt debate what's worse: Las Vegas or the human body. That depends on the body, doesn't it? Some of us hit the jackpot, and some of us are just dead busted.

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