Maisy Fernandez,
Sep 03, 2009
Oh, Labor Day. You're like a little gift from the heavens, providing working Americans with one last long weekend at the end of summer.
Unless, of course, you're unemployed. In that case, every day is a Saturday.
Before we head out back to grill for the day, we decided the best way to spend our holiday was to round up some TV characters who could really stand to peruse the help wanted ads. Our advice: Make yourselves useful, will ya? We promise it will make you appreciate Labor Day so much more next year.
SPENCER PRATT, The Hills
Has there ever been a time on The Hills when Heidi has come home and Spencer was not a) sleeping; b) playing video games; or c) eating? Not to mention that he berates her when her job interferes with their social time -- which is 24/7 to him. Perhaps if you worked, you sloth, you wouldn't be so quick to judge.
PAULA ABDUL, formerly of American Idol
The pop singer and frenzied judge recently parted ways with American Idol. It's been reported that she's meeting with various networks about doing other shows. (If that happens, let's hope it offers her more dignity than her ill-fated reality show.) For right now, though, she's straight up got a lot of spare time on her hands.
TIFFANY "NEW YORK" POLLARD, New York Goes to Work
If your former reality show centers around the idea you working, as though it's a completely foreign concept, you know what that means? You're a loser.
BETTY DRAPER, Mad Men
It's not that Betty has never worked -- she has, as a model. In recent seasons, she's expressed interest in working again. While she may not be able to model at the moment (she's pregnant), we wish she'd just forge ahead, find another way to make some dough, and liberate herself from her hubby, Don.
TURTLE, Entourage
Let's face it: Driving Vincent Chase around isn't exactly a career -- especially now that Vince has his own driver's license.
And Turtle has two new cars, courtesy of Vince and his girlfriend, Jamie-Lynn Sigler, as well as a free place to live. He is in the perfect position to make something productive happen. To his credit, he's trying. So maybe he'll deserve a day off the next time Labor Day rolls around.
ANDY BOTWIN, Weeds
Ever since we met Nancy Botwin in the first season of Weeds, her brother-in-law, Andy, has sponged off of her something fierce. Sure, he's watched the kids and cooked a few meals, but the majority of his time is spent loafing around, getting high and living off of Nancy's money. His only foray into employment includes a short-lived career doing a special brand of niche porn. Gross.
BILL COMPTON, True Blood
For a vampire who wants to mainstream with humans, Bill is missing one major componant of human life: gainful employment. He's got a house, a BMW, and a girlfriend. He recycles his newspapers and offers his human visitors Fanta when they come calling. But no job. We know he can only work nights, so we think he should apply at UPS, Fangtasia or Denny's.
NICKI GRANT, Big Love
Bill Hendrickson's second wife grew up on a Mormon compound and worked her first job outside the home on season three of the show. While the job ended badly, it helped expand Nicki's horizons. Now that hubby Bill has declared his own church, we'd like to see Nicki buck tradition and get another taste of the real world outside the house.
FRANK THE ENTERTAINER, various VH1 reality shows
We first met Frank "the Entertainer" when he was a contestant on I Love New York, and saw him again on installments of I Love Money. This 30-year-old doesn't work and lives in his parents basement. And now VH1 is giving him his own dating show, which will center around his highly ambitious lifestyle. (Technically, we concede that it's a temporary job, but do you think he'll use the money he's getting paid to go back to school or get his own place? We don't either.)
SHEREE WHITFIELD, Real Housewives of Atlanta
Last season, Sheree made a feeble attempt at starting a clothing line. But her sole means of support is the seven-figure divorce settlement she's expecting to arrive, but is still missing in action. In the current season of the show, it's revealed that Sheree and her children had to move because her ex hadn't been paying the mortgage on her other home. God forbid she actually earn a little dough for herself in the meantime.
Bravo, Sheree! Way to teach your kids how to fend for themselves.
