Dre Rivas,
Dec 26, 2007
1. McLovin (Christopher Mintz-Plasse), Superbad
When we're talking about top ten badasses, the only badass badass enough to be the superbadass this year was Fogell, a.k.a., McLovin. Don't try making fun of him. You know you wanted to be this guy. He's got the fake I.D.; his friends come strapped; and he can score chicks (almost).
2. King Leonidas (Gerard Butler), 300
Poor Leonidas would have taken the top spot were it not for the wussification of Butler's recent release, P.S. I Love You. I know, it's the actor, not the character, but I can't help but think it hurts his street cred somehow.
3. Machete (Danny Trejo), Machete (Grindhouse)
Any year Danny Trejo makes a movie, there is automatically a legitimate "Badass of the Year" to contend with. Nobody was more badass in as short a screen time as Trejo's Machete. Like my friend, the esteemed J-Good, put it, "It doesn't matter if he's doing a Spy Kids movie. He's still badass." Remember the look of fear on Jeff Fahey's face when he found out Machete was a damn Federali? He knew what was up and so did we.
4. Jason Bourne (Matt Damon), The Bourne Ultimatum
Jason Bourne is one-third Terminator, one-third Jaws and one-third Atticus Finch. To borrow from Jonah Hill in Knocked Up, he's like Eric Bana in Munich. He's not just badass. He's badass and taking names.
5. Chigurh (Javier Bardem), No Country for Old Men
Bardem's Chigurh is one of the single scariest movie monsters of all time. He's truly a force of nature I want no part of. I've been thinking of some mano a mano match-ups and I'd like to see Machete and Chigurh go at it. They're both Mexican. They're both badass. And they both have interesting weaponry. It would almost be like watching two Predators fight to the death. Somebody jotting this down for when the WGA strike is over?
6. Cherry Darling (Rose McGowan), Planet Terror (Grindhouse)
That's right, two Grindhouse mentions. And it would have been three if I weren't feeling so foolish. I was recently asked by a lady friend if I would still stay with a girl that I loved if she lost her legs or arms in a terrible accident. My answer was quick and furious. If I loved her, of course. Especially if I could attach a sub-machine gun to her stumps. Cherry Darling is the hottest peg leg to grace the screen in... forever?
7. Beowulf (Ray Winstone), Beowulf
Robert Zemeckis's decision to cast Ray Winstone as Beowulf was a masterstroke. This was a surprisingly fun piece of entertainment and a big reason for it is how mighty and straight-up nasty Winstone's Beowulf could be. Did you see what he did to that sea monster? Grendel never had a chance.
8. Sgt. Nicholas Angel (Simon Pegg), Hot Fuzz
Angel is one sharp cat and he has the acrobatic grace of Mary Lou Retton. Most importantly, he knows how to fire two handguns while jumping through the air. Essential for any action hero.
9. Optimus Prime (Peter Cullen), Transformers
The only reasons Prime doesn't rank higher are his relationship with Michael Bay (this really, really hurts) and that his showdown with Megatron seemed cut short. It should have been the ultimate battle between these two giant, destructive foes. What we got was little more than a tease.
10. John McClane (Bruce Willis), Live Free or Die Hard
It's usually very hard for me not to slot McClane in the top five any year he's on the screen, but it was very easy for me to just barely include him this year. It's not that I didn't enjoy his most recent entry, I did. But the studio emasculated the poor man by removing his uncanny ability to swear with the best of them. I didn't care for the lack of a receding hairline either.
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Dre writes three times a week for Film.com. When he starts balding, he won't go with the shaved head. He's going Costanza! Email him!
