Admitting that you watch TMZ TV, the nightly tabloid news television show inspired by the highly successful website, is like admitting you like to watch strangers masturbate. This is because every episode -- drawn from the same schlock executive producer and host Harvey Levin slings on the website he manages -- is about nothing except exposing human beings, albeit famous ones, at their most embarrassing, often degrading moments.

Last week, my friend Reko Suave (no, that's not his real last name) inadvertently landed on this TMZ TV while channel surfing. It apparently premiered in September and has since proven, as near as I can tell, to be even more reprehensible than the evening gossip shows that George Clooney went to war with back in 1997. For ten minutes, I watched this filth wondering, "Who the hell would tune into this? It's not even about real news. It's just about making fun of celebrities because they're, you know, famous and famous people deserve it."

However, I soon began to wonder if maybe there was something one could actually learn from watching TMZ TV's brilliant reporting of celebrities, faux-celebrities, and people who think they're celebrities reacting to mobs of photographers harassing them?

Here are a few of the reasons to watch TMZ TV that I came up with:

1.) TMZ TV teaches you how to be a better parent.

Every week night, Levin and company give you up-to-the-minute details about every facet of Britney Spears' rapidly imploding personal life - especially her parenting skills, which, let's face it, are barely quantifiable. Basically, five minutes of TMZ TV a night will teach you all the ways not to raise your child.

2.) TMZ TV teaches you how to stalk celebrities legally.

Who doesn't have a celebrity or two they'd like to stalk? Personally, I'd like to stalk Natalie Portman. Unfortunately, I don't own a camera or possess the deficit of soul necessary to chase celebrities around while, with a straight face, calling myself a "photographer." TMZ TV, however, is a virtual how-to-guide if you have what I'm lacking.

3.) TMZ TV reminds us all that, at the end of the day, celebrities are just like us.

Turns out they are, since just about everyone I know has had a DUI, thrown up their dinner in a toilet, made Internet-accessible sex tapes or kinky photos, repeatedly hit parked cars, assaulted paparazzi, been in and out of rehab, and had sex with Rick Solomon or Pamela Anderson… Wow, celebrities really are just like us! Thanks, TMZ TV!

4.) TMZ TV wants news companies around the country to understand that good news, the news real Americans want, is often bought and sometimes even purchased illegally.

Journalistic integrity is so passé. Levin likes to claim that all "news" reported by TMZ is independently verified, but that, as near as I can tell, comes after paying for the initial tip (which is called bribery in some countries, at least when the police are involved), creating the news by shoving cameras in celebrities faces until they strike back like an Empire (Brad Garrett), or stalking the celebs until their own idiocy inevitably lands them in hot water (Orlando Bloom). Being a somewhat legitimate newsman myself, I'd just like to tip my hat to TMZ TV for showing me how to do my job better.

5.) TMZ TV encourages us all to contribute to our communities.

Because of TMZ TV's coverage of Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Snoop Dogg, Michelle Rodriguez and more, average folks all over America now understand the value of volunteering (or being ordered to volunteer, but that's semantics) to causes that range from keeping our highways clean to African relief.

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