If you haven't been watching Top Chef, you're missing out big-time. It has, as far as I'm concerned, become one of the most volatile - and thus, entertaining - reality shows on television. Every week, cheftestants seem poised to start swinging on one another thanks in large part to the antics of uber-jerk Dale, uber-wench Lisa, and, to a lesser extent, mostly because of his abrasive "easygoing" personality, Spike. Episodes have so far only been filled with inflammatory dismissals, shouting, curse words, and victimized lockers and coolers (Dale has difficulty expressing his emotions), but last night the rivalries upgraded to sabotage and outright backstabbing.

The craziness kicked off with the Quickfire Challenge, which asked the cheftestants to create a "sexy," modern salad since - and I wasn't aware of this - apparently la ensalada has fallen on some hard times. Spike loved the challenge, declaring, "I'm trying to make something that screams, 'Let's have sex after we eat this salad!'" The guest judge agreed; an orgy followed. Not really, but Spike did win the Quickfire Challenge. With only seven cheftestants left, no immunity was handed out, but Spike was awarded a special advantage in the Elimination Challenge.

Because Americans struggle everyday with obesity, Top Chef decided to do something about it, at least for the local Chicago Police Academy. The cheftestants were challenged to create gourmet and healthy boxed lunches that incorporated one of each of the four food groups. Spike's special advantage was that he could choose one food from each food group that nobody else could use; opting to make a chicken salad, he took chicken, lettuce, tomatoes, and bread off the table for everyone else in the competition. Sure, people were pissed about that, but they got over it; most improvised, making things like burritos with rice paper instead. Lisa decided on a stir fry over brown rice, but ten minutes before her rice was done, she realized someone had turned the heat all the way up on the burner -- crisping the rice on the outside of the pot and leaving the rice on the inside undercooked. Nobody else bought her claims of sabotage, insisting everybody makes mistakes like this, but I, for one, wouldn't put it past Dale. By the way, since contestants can cheat, doesn't it seem to make sense that a camera should be positioned to monitor them and reflect back upon when such claims are made? When Lisa brought this up to the judges, they remained indifferent, telling her she should watch her burners better. What's up with that?

Dale and Stephanie took the top two slots with their healthy dishes, with Dale winning the big prize -- five for twenty challenges, he points out. It is impressive. Andrew, Spike, and Lisa made up the bottom three, where Lisa, who had just learned Andrew's burrito lacked a grain, one of the stipulated ingredients, called him on it in front of the judges. That's outright backstabbing, especially since Andrew had been kind enough to suggest she go light on shrimp in her dish since shrimp were, as she'd forgotten, high in cholesterol. Shouting followed, then more shouting, then the stink eye. In the end, Andrew was asked to pack his knives and Lisa, who, sure, might be a bitch, made it to the next week instead of him.

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