2008 is right around the corner, which got me thinking: If I had to choose ten shows from 2007 that I’d resolve to pay a lobotomist to sear out of my brain, what would they be? Here’s what I came up with. If you know any good doctors who can handle this task, please post contact information, as I’m more than serious.

1. On the Lot
Who would’ve thought that a reality TV series about finding America’s next great director, produced by Steven Spielberg and Mark Burnett, could’ve have become such a ludicrous waste of time? The first mistake might have been to hire Garry Marshall and Carrie Fisher as judges: one apparently loves everything no matter how bad it is (like most of his movies), while the other seems spaced out on who knows what most of the time.

2. Gossip Girl
Watching Gossip Girl is pretty much like getting caught masturbating to a Maxim magazine by your parents. Yeah, the chicks are hot (albeit kind of illegal); yeah, there’s a lot of sex (albeit kind of illegal sex); but, damn is it embarrassing.

3. American Idol
The very nature of this so-called contest is the antithesis of what real artists respect; it’s not necessarily talent, but the ability to appear popular to a mass audience that wins the day. Even worse, American Idol has become so popular and so mythic in proportions that its judges – all of them, not just Simon Cowell – now act like the schoolyard bullies, mocking anyone and everyone who has the gall to come before them with the delusion that what they hear in their own head as they sing amounts to real talent. American Idol has become cruel. American Idol has become too self-aware. American Idol must be destroyed.

4. American Gladiators
This hasn’t even debuted yet, and I don’t want to remember it happened.

5. The Emmys
This pick comes with a caveat. I don’t want to ever again see an Emmy Awards broadcast hosted by Ryan Seacrest or directed by Bruce Gowers. Nor do I want to see another one presented at the center of some sort of game-show-style auditorium stage.

6. Grey’s Anatomy
I love that even Katherine Heigl is saying she’s confused by her character’s storyline this season. Even more remarkable is that she could follow any of the nonsense that went on in previous seasons. Melodramatic, manipulative crap without an ounce of emotional honesty.

7. A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila
I watched five minutes. The most interesting thing about it was the debate the three women with me had over whether or not Tila Tequila is hot or not.

8. Two and a Half Men
There is more to laugh at in the obituaries than in an episode of Two and a Half Men.

9. The Hills
I’m home for the holidays and, yesterday at dinner, my dad turned on the TV while we were eating. I was reading the paper, so didn’t look up until I heard the inane, barely intelligible gibberish coming out of these organic mannequins’ mouths. My dad was actually watching The Hills. Add this to the list of reasons he and I don’t get along.

10. Keeping Up with the Kardashians
This is a show about a stupid hot chick and her stupid family inexplicably managing to not kill themselves every day with their stupidity. If it wasn’t for the hot chick factor, you could replace everyone with chimpanzees and it would be just as engaging.

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