Six Easy Ways to Make Sure the Next Indiana Jones Is a Smash

Short Round + Tom Cruise cameo = Box office gold!
Harrison Ford's Indiana Jones cast a shadow in Paramount Pictures' 'Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull'
Harrison Ford's Indiana Jones cast a shadow in Paramount Pictures' 'Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull' - Paramount Pictures
Sacha Howells

George Lucas says that Harrison Ford and Spielberg are in for a fifth Indiana Jones, as long as George comes up with an idea. Here are a few, Mr. Lucas; feel free to use them all. Preferably in the same movie.

1. Bring Back Short Round.
Our own Dre Rivas thinks Mutt should star next time around. I say bring back the oh-so-precocious sidekick from Temple of Doom. Resting the whole movie on a child actor worked liked a charm in The Phantom Menace, and people obviously responded to Mutt as the young Indy spawn. Why not go even younger next time and catch that all-important tweener demographic? Of course, the original Short Round is 37 years old, so there may need to be some recasting. Just throw Elle Fanning in a baseball hat and no one'll be the wiser.

2. Put Christian Bale in It.
Seriously, between the Batman series and the new Terminator movies, are you allowed to have a blockbuster without this guy? Make him a basket weaver, a Nazi fugitive hiding out in Brazil, an Aztec snake charmer, who cares, this fella sells mad tickets.

3. Tom Cruise Cameo.
Everybody's raving about Cruise's fat suit turn in Tropic Thunder, so ride the buzz! It can be his new thing, like Eddie Murphy. Just a whole career of fat suits in every movie. Think about how much better Lions for Lambs would have been.

4. Cage Match!
Three archaeologists/adventurers/whatever enter. One archaeologist/adventurer/whatever leaves. Sign up Angelina Jolie and Brendan Fraser, and it's Indy versus Lara Croft versus the Mummy guy. Like the Marvel vs. DC crossover, or how all those Universal monsters were in Van Helsing. This doesn't sound like much of a sell. Abbot and Costello Meet Frankenstein? Fine, this one needs a little tweaking.

5. Indy: The Musical.
Mamma Mia! Dreamgirls. Newsies. And now, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Boom, a hip hop dance opera with Kanye West as a rapping Tibetan priest. Shia LaBeouf can learn to step; it'll be awesome.

6. Expand the Fan Base.
Indiana's gone from hunting the Ark of the Covenant to the Holy Grail to alien skulls. Up next? The One Ring. The Lord of the Rings trilogy made almost three billion dollars; get those Ringers in the seats! You can trade Mutt's monkey fight for a Hobbit brawl. Now that's a movie!


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