I am so sick of Christmas, usually by the time Thanksgiving rolls around, that I need a few quick shots of anti-holiday insulin to counter all the sweetness and light. And by the time Christmas itself is actually here, I'd be in a diabetic coma without my medicine.

Need a respite from the cheer? I prescribe the following DVDs:

Gremlins: Monstrous critters run amuck, tearing up a small town at Christmastime. And all because a dad, trying to be thoughtful, bought his son an adorable little fur ball as a prezzie. Phoebe Cates's story about her father's playing-Santa mishap is a classic of negative holiday merriment.

Bad Santa: Speaking of playing Santa ... Billy Bob Thornton is so deliciously vile as a department store St. Nick/sex addict/Christmas cynic that he -- and this movie -- can be a single walloping remedy in case of an overdose of It's a Wonderful Life.

Too much Dickens clogging up your misanthropist gland? Good ol' Ebenezer, sad Tiny Tim, and the whole gang get thorough sandbaggings in these evil miracles full of rotten sugarplums and made-in-China, lead-infested toys:

Blackadder's Christmas Carol: Rowan Atkinson and his demented crew turn Dickens on his noggin as Ebenezer Blackadder, the kindliest, most charitable man in England, gets a visit from a couple of twisted ghosts who show him that there's no profit in being nice.

Beavis and Butt-Head Do Christmas: Heh. Heh heh heh. Heh. Buzzcut is the Ghost of Christmas Future. Heh. Heh heh.

Scrooged: Before Billy Bob Thornton, Bill Murray's TV network exec was the most despicable creature inhabiting the holiday cultural landscape. He's still pretty unpleasant. The Christmas Eve live variety show extravaganza he produces is a brilliant piece of faux-festive tripe.

And then there is what may be the greatest dumb movie ever made ... and it's Christmas-y, too:

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians: Oh, the stupid, it burns! Aliens kidnap the jolly old elf, who then escapes from their incompetent clutches with the help of an eight-year-old Pia Zadora, who couldn't act then, either.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
MaryAnn Johanson (email me)
reviews, reviews, reviews! at FlickFilosopher.com

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