Once again, it's a weekend battle of head-to-head stars. In this corner, we have everyone's favorite husky voiced indie queen, Scarlett Johansson. And in this corner we have the always-ravishing sultry voiced Star Wars queen, Natalie Portman. Sure they’re in the same movie, The Other Boleyn Girl. Who cares? I wanna see a fight. You know the rules. Let's drop the cage. Two women enter! One woman leaves!

In the box office this weekend: Winner = Scarlett
Although I’m pretty sure the press, entirely in love with Johansson, will pin any and all success on her. Portman, on the other hand, will be listed as an "Also appearing," unless the writer is somehow entertaining fantasies that this movie is not about sisters.

In the critical arena: Winner = Scarlett
I don’t care if Johansson gives the same performance in every movie. I don’t care if the critical love lavished on her is more about her looks than it is any talent she might have. I don’t care if Portman could act circles around her blindfolded and without the same script as Scarlett –- the press will talk about how wonderful Johansson is…for a few more years. Then she’ll graduate from the Claire Daines School of Getting By By Being Cute and find herself with an ever-increasing gap between shoots. Again, Portman will be mentioned as an "Also appearing..." Despite the fact that she has the more complicated role and does more with it.

In their careers: Winner = Portman
Joahnsson is on top of the world right now, but if you squint really hard you can see the 60-year-old Slappy the Squirrel she’s on the road to becoming, as she speaks through a cigarette saying things like, “I like you kid, you remind me of a young Shia LeBeouf.” Portman will still be turning in incredible performances, receiving second billing to whoever is the cutest at the moment.

In my heart of hearts: Winner = Portman
Sure, she’s adorable, but she’s got real chops and has managed to escape from the black hole of being prized for her looks. She tends to choose either great characters or to act in mediocre films opposite great, classic actors. Johansson has never once won me over. And as much as I hate to admit it, the intense, hipster hype surrounding her just gets under my skin every time she appears in another film, turning me off to her even more.

Winner = Scarlett
Sadly, for the time being, I am in the minority. It will take a few more years for Johansson’s pheromones to wear off and for the critical set to say, “Oh yeah, she’s just not as good as she used to seem.” Until then, she wins. Hands down.

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C. Robert Cargill - - - Email Me

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