With both Sean Penn and Mickey Rourke nominated for Best Actor in a Leading Role, I’ve been asked by the powers that be to address the weighty question: What does an Oscar win by either actor mean for “the future of the world ... world ... world.”

[insert eerie futuristic echo]

So I’ve wracked my brain to rattle loose some predictions.

If the Ram Sleeper Holds Oscar Gold ...

1. We may feel like a broken down piece of meat but the show must go on
The Ram’s gusto will inspire our over-tenderized economy to fight on. (Let’s hope it’s not a heart attack waiting to happen.)

2. There’s room in the ring for all of us
Daredevil teenagers and teenage-brained adults will be inspired to try their triceps as an arm-twisting pro or to organize their own underground wrestling ring.

The first rule of wrestling club: You talk about wrestling club.
Rule 2: Talk about wrestling club and sell t-shirts.
Rule 3: BYOHD (Bring your own Home Depot purchase to wallop opponents with.)
Rule 4: No shirts. Tights and tans mandatory.

3. Staple gun deaths skyrocket
A related prediction: Emergency rooms will see a sudden spike in staple gun and lawn chair related injuries.

If Harvey Milk Recruits the Academy’s Vote ...

1. Change Hollywood can invest in
One more reason to believe not all politicians are corrupt chameleons. One more reason for corrupt, money-driven moviemakers to make more movies about larger-than-life political heroes we can aspire to vs. wire-tapping finks.

2. Milk -- it does a body politic good
After Penn’s Oscar nab, Harvey Milk will motivate men and women of all persuasions to not only trust but aspire to join the body politic.

3. Malted Harvey Milk Balls
Shouldn’t all Oscar-winning movies get a movie theater candy? Or if not Harvey Milk Balls, then Benjamin Button Bubble Gum, Tricky Dick Twizzlers ...

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