Hi there! We are joining the event in progress because this big-time writer guy isn’t the most effective at the TiVo programming. Looking back at the list of winners I don't think I missed much. Probably a montage of people or something along those lines. So let's start with the first big winner, my gal Jen Aniston.

9:15: Jennifer Aniston wins Favorite Female Star. I love these categories. She’s my most favoritest ever! She accepts, and also looks like she's thinking she might die all alone. Hey now!

9:16: Sandra Bullock was nominated for The Lake House? Wow. Huh. I wasn’t aware that “the people” even saw that movie.

9:20: It’s Favorite Male Movie Star time! The people demand it!

9:21: Johnny Depp wins, and thanks the people. Can’t blame him there. I just wish I could grow my hair like his. Mine poofs. His lays down so that women find him mysterious and alluring. Again, and this can’t be overstated, mine poofs.

9:25: You ever seen this show Numb3rs? Me neither, but CBS seems to love it.

9:27: Favorite TV Drama time! C.S.I. vs. Grey’s Anatomy vs. House. Grey’s wins, and the whole cast is there, very impressive. I gotta tell ya, unless they ran the show in my backyard I’d probably miss The People’s Choice Awards. Sorry, people. It's not that the people aren't important to me, they are, it's more that the awards themselves seem to be held with a faint whiff of desperation.

9:30: Favorite Movie Comedy time. CLICK WAS NOMINATED!!! TAKE MY EYES! If that wins I am doing the rest of this blog under protest.

9:31: I am now officially under protest. Click was so unfunny that it actually set comedy back a decade. As a bonus, Adam Sandler does a stupid joke as an acceptance speech. I weep for our children, I really do, and this is from a guy who grew up worshipping Happy Gilmore and Billy Madison (if you want to read a review where I rip Click to shreds, click here).

9:36: Some lucky fan is getting dressed by Queen Latifah’s personal glam squad. They are fitting her with a wig. Hey, no one said the glam squad would be easy. Her name is Angelina Palmer, and they’ve made her hot. Or maybe she was hot inside the whole time.

9:39: Cameron Diaz is in the house, fresh off her break-up from Justin Timberlake. She’s here to announce the winner of Favorite Talk Show host. Yes, this is a real category. I’m betting on Oprah.

9:40: Ellen Degeneres takes it. Quite the upset there. Ellen was also voted Favorite Funny Female Star tonight. I’m convinced they are now making awards up.

9:42: The award itself seems to be the giant ice crystal that Superman was born in.

9:44: Favorite Song From a Movie is the next award, and they are all remakes. Well, except the one by Sheryl Crow (but that doesn’t count). “Life is a Highway” wins, and if I’m not insane, that song came out about a decade ago. Ah yes, Rascal Flatts won Favorite Remake at some non-televised point. I really like the early Rascal Flatts stuff, the underground mix tapes. Also, good news, they won Favorite Bean Dip Makers.

9:48: My Favorite Male Singer, Kenny Chesney, is coming up after the break! Evidently the People’s Choice Awards have gone country. Look at them boots.

9:49: You ever seen this Shark show? CBS seems to be pretty high on it. They wouldn’t steer us wrong.

9:52: So the next category is Favorite Leading Lady. How is this different from Favorite Female Star? I have no idea; I can only assume the people made up the categories after a pretty rough night of sniffing glue. Cameron Diaz wins after presenter Wanda Sykes correctly points out she’s the only one in attendance. Ouch, People’s Choice Awards, ouch.

9:54: Queen Latifah announces Kenny Chesney. This is quite a moment for me; I had him in the office pool. Hey, wasn’t he married to Renée Zellweger once? Or was that Travis Tritt? I have no idea, we need The Evil Beet to investigate.

10:02: You seen this new show Rules of Engagement? Ha, trick question, it’s not even on yet! But let me tell ya, all things equal, CBS would prefer you watch it. You know, if you can. Please.

10:04: Two and Half Men wins the prestigious Favorite TV Comedy award. No one I know, or have even known, has ever watched that show. Just for the record. I’m sure it’s great, though.

10:07: Next up, Favorite Male TV Star (not to be confused with favorite star, male actor, funny person, or movie star). Patrick Dempsey wins and the awards gain a small measure of respect back. I mean c’mon, that guy is damn dreamy. And he’s holding that giant crystal anvil award thingy like a man’s man.

10:16: Favorite Female Action Star ... and Uma Thurman was nominated for My Super Ex-Girlfriend. Thank goodness, Halle Berry wins. Oh no, she just asked for everyone to write a letter to Tom Rothman at Fox demanding another X-Men. Can we demand one without her? Also, everyone write a letter to Film.com saying this is your favorite column ever. Power to the people!

10:20: Ok, they just announced over a dozen winners in rapid fire form so that I couldn’t adequately make fun of each choice. One I did catch though, the Favorite Film of the people was Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. You’d think you’d want to highlight the people’s favorite film of the year, but nope, they bury it at the end of a long list. Well played, People’s Choice Producers, well played.

10:23: You seen the CBS show The Ghost Whisperer? Man, ideally you would check that out, for CBS’ sake. One thing that concerns me, why does CBS not have any non-CBS advertising for this event? Oh wait, they've captured the lucrative cat food ad dollars.

10:25: Favorite New Drama, baby! It’s Brothers and Sisters vs. Heroes vs. Ugly Betty. Hmm, which of these is not like the other? Heroes wins and all is right with the world. I love it, you should too.

10:29: The winner for Favorite Competition/Reality Show is American Idol. Not shocking, the show is crazy popular. You can’t swing a cat without hitting a fan. On second thought, in general you probably should just stop swinging cats.

10:39: Justin Timberlake wins for Best R&B song. His career is hotter than my cable descrambler.

10:41: They are giving out the Olay Total Effects award. But first, they run an Olay ad. Hmm ... next year I may sponsor the People’s Choice Awards.

10:45: The Favorite Female Television Star award goes to Eva Longoria. I’m starting to feel a little woozy. If this goes over two hours, I’m checking out.

10:49: The guys from the hit TV show Numb3rs are here! They announce that The Class has won the Favorite New Television Comedy award. I really liked Head of the Class. I don’t know about this new abbreviated version.

10:54: Vince Vaughn wins for Favorite Leading Man, and he looks like he hasn’t slept in about two weeks. I still love him, though. I think he still loves Jen, and now we’ve come full circle. Get back together, kids, and do it soon, America needs you. The people need you.

The People have spoken! See ya next year, People!

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