Other Political Candidates from Hollywood We'd Like to See

Fred Thompson Leads the Way. We Need More Celebrity Politicians!
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Eric D. Snider

You've probably heard that Fred Thompson, best known as the folksy, hard-nosed district attorney on Law & Order, has officially entered the presidential race. In fact, he's being compared in some circles to another famous actor-turned-Republican politician, a fellow by the name of Ronald Reagan. Like Reagan, Thompson has a certain folksy charm and a straightforward speaking style. Also like Reagan, he was born before the radio was invented.

Frankly, I liked Thompson better on Law & Order, arguing with Jack McCoy about how much of the law they could ignore in the interest of convicting someone. But it did get me thinking about other Hollywood candidates I'd like to see throw their hats in the ring, and what their assets and liabilities would be.

Kevin Federline:
No doubt he'd get marijuana legalized in a hurry, which would appeal to many of his constituents. But then again, do voters want someone whose psycho ex-wife is bound to show up at the White House rambling incoherently and swinging umbrellas? (Answer: YES)

Tom Hanks:
He's nice, he's honest, he's decent, he's wholesome. Unfortunately, he's also a Democrat, and democratic voters don't care about things like that.

Oprah Winfrey:
She's African-American AND a woman! She's Hillary and Obama all in one familiar package! But on the down side, who wants a president who gives out reading assignments? We can barely be bothered to vote, let alone read Love in the Time of Cholera.

Pope Benedict XVI:
Strong values, experienced leader. We wouldn't have to worry so much about adulterous affairs with interns. On the other hand, there's a good chance he'd take his orders straight from the Vatican.

Tom Cruise:
We know what you're thinking: He's crazy. So what? Nixon was a paranoid lunatic, and he got elected twice. Cruise is passionate about his convictions, and since he's a good enough actor to fake his way through an entire marriage, he should have no problem fooling world leaders.

Jason Bourne:
No terrorist stands a chance. Get him within a thousand miles of Osama bin Laden and in a matter of days Bourne will have killed him with a rolled up newspaper and a box of Tic Tacs. Plus, there would finally be a politician whose convenient "memory lapses" are actually believable! Downside: the swirling cameras during the State of the Union address would give people motion sickness. Other downside: he's fictional. Counterpoint: we're pretty sure Teddy Roosevelt was fictional, too, and that didn't stop him.

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Eric D. Snider (website) has voted many times. Mostly for American Idol.


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