Welcome to part two!

Note: Read part one here if you're feeling saucy.

5:32 PM: Jon is here and it's opening monologue time.

5:33 PM: Jon just called The Oscars "make-up Sex." Strong start.

5:33 PM: He also crushed the Vanity Fair party which is good. Anything that hoity-toity deserves a beating.

5:37 PM Jon is KILLING it. Of Norbit he said "Too often The Academy has ignored films that aren't good."

5:38 PM: He's riffing political, to his credit. This is way better than the red carpet. I should just watch this part next time.

5:42 PM: Elizabeth: The Golden Age wins for Costume Design. Nice. I had La Vie En Rose. I'm off to a good start.

5:48 PM: Montage time! You can't beat a good Oscar montage. It gives you a chance to get chips, get a drink, maybe use the bathroom. Everyone is a winner when The Academy phones it in.

5:52 PM: The Animated Feature Oscar goes to Ratatouille. $20 for me!

5:57 PM: La Vie En Rose takes the Makeup Oscar and I'm two for three. I can win that office pool yet. Don't count me out!

6:01 PM: I'm digging Amy Adams "Happy Working Song." She's a great performer. Cute as a button. I'm still picking Once to win it though.

6:08 PM: How does The Golden Compass win for visual effects? That's wacky. Sigh. Maybe I'm just bitter that Pirates of the Caribbean is going to get shut out.

6:11 PM: Sweeney Todd takes it for Art Direction. Or as the general public likes to call it, "What is that?"

6:15 PM: Almost time to hand out the Supporting Actor Oscar. But first, a montage. Remember when Cuba Gooding Jr. won an Oscar? I miss those days. It was like anything was possible.

6:17 PM: Bardem collects for Supporting Actor and all is right with the world.

6:23 PM: Best montage of the night, a salute to "Binoculars and Periscopes."

6:25 PM: Jon introduces the "star of August Rush Keri Russell." Having seen August Rush I can tell you there were no stars. Only people who survived.

6:30 PM: Mozart of Pickpockets wins and I'm five for seven! That's a huge win. Only Jerry Seinfeld appearing as that Bee from Bee Movie could kill this high I'm on. Ah, there he is. Perfect.

6:34 PM: Peter and the Wolf takes the Animated Short Academy Award. Good for them. If you're going to make a film that no one is ever going to see you might as well get an award for it, right?

6:39 PM: Supporting Actress goes to Tilda Swinton and I am shocked. She seems nice enough but that movie will always be "good" and not "great" to me. She gives a solid speech though. She even mentions Clooney's nipple Batman suit. Solid!

6:49 PM: Joel and Ethan Coen win for Adapted Screenplay and the rout is on.

6:51 PM: No matter what president Sid Gannis tells you there is no way The Academy members see all these films. Want to know how I know? Because they all have other jobs.

6:55 PM: They've got Kristin Chenoweth singing even though she wasn't in Enchanted. I guess they didn't want Amy Adams getting all tuckered out.

7:03 PM: The guys from Superbad (Rogen, Jonah Hill) should give away every Oscar from here on out.

7:05 PM: The Bourne Ultimatum wins for Sound Editing. Then for Sound Mixing. The guy who has recieved 20 nominations didn't win again. Sorry Kevin! Get 'em next year.

7:13 PM: Cotillard wins for Best Actress! Thank the maker. I couldn't have sat through a Julie Christie speech. On the other hand, an American hasn't taken home an actor award yet. Should I be offended as a bigtime patriot? Should I drive my pickup truck right on out of here?

7:20 PM: If the song from Once doesn't win I'm going on strike. It's far and away the best song of the night. C'mon Oscar, be a buddy.

7:25 PM: Fun montage of every Best Picture winner. Although we should have booed when they showed The English Patient. That movie was brutal.

7:30 PM: The Bourne Ultimatum goes three for three and has to be the unexpected winner of the night. Luckily for my predictions I don't think it's nominated for anything else.

7:35 PM: They hand out an honorary Oscar. Is that different than a lifetime achievement Oscar? I don't know, you got me. We seem to be rewarding the fact that this guy lived a long time. To his credit he looks phenomenal for being 98. He makes some solid jokes too. But I'm all about merit based awards. Sorry bud.

7:42 PM: Foreign Language Oscar time... I've got Katyn.

7:44 PM: I lose. The Counterfeiters wins. Typical.

7:48 PM: Amy Adams is dancing like CRAZY! I still don't get why she wasn't nominated. She should go on Dancing with the Stars. She'd have a real leg up.

7:51 PM: Once wins for Best Song! Huzzah!

7:57 PM: Aww, and Jon brought Marketa out to give her acceptance speech after they'd played her off. Classy moment. I'm really liking his work here tonight. I was thinking "Man, if you won an Oscar and you didn't get to say one word you'd be hazed for life." So good on everyone for fixing that.

8:10 PM: Atonement wins for Best Score and I'm happy all over agin.

8:13 PM: I feel like I could win the Short Documentary Oscar. It's like my dream of curling in the Olympics. For some reason it just feels doable if I had enough time and a few hundred bucks.

8:25 PM: Diablo Cody has a meltdown when she wins for Juno. And truly she could have worn a dress that covered all her bits. That would have been nice, given the occasion.

8:30 PM: Time for a Daniel Day-Lewis speech. He drinks my milkshake, I can't even lie.

8:36 PM: It's official - An American won't win any of the Actor categories this evening. Damn! I'm gonna go listen to John Cougar Mellencamp to try and regain my patriotism.

8:44 PM: The Coen Brothers take home the Best Director Oscar. They should just stay up there because the next award is coming right about now.

8:46 PM: Nice! It's nice to see filmmakers like the Coens rewarded because they march to their own beat. I'm happy for them.

8:48 PM: And after eight solid hours of blogging I'm wiped out. Will my 13 for 24 performance on the predictions be enough to capture my office pool? I'd bet against. But thanks for reading anyway!

9:30 PM: **Bonus Post**
The theme of the night is either:
1) Coens romp
2) Americans can't act
3) Juno comes back to Earth
4) Bourne Nabs Three!
5) Jon Stewart turns in strong performance

Your choice. Pick a headline and run with it.

Email Laremy

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