Dear Diablo,

Recently I heard the news that you, screenwriter to wildly favorite Juno, will be writing and adapting the 1980s Sweet Valley High series for the big screen.

In a time when '80s nostalgia remakes are dominating the box office (everything from G.I. Joe to Viewfinder: The Movie), I'm not surprised that you jumped at the chance. However, please know that you now have power over something that is near and dear to my heart -- this series was a huge part of my life and even now I spend lots of time blogging about the series.

I will admit, at first I was resistant to the idea, and didn't want Sweet Valley High to turn into a series of quirky, sardonic soundbites. However, reading your Twitter feed from the last few days has melted my heart. You have confirmed that it will be "sharp comedy/satire, plenty of 'sincere' SVH moments too" and your snarky references to the characters has won me over. I can't wait to see this happen!

As the writer, I know you probably don't have complete control over every single aspect of the production, but now that you hold many of my generation's pre-teen memories in your hands, here are some suggestions to consider:

1. Keep it in the '80s. This series celebrated the 1980s ideals of teenagers and popularity (and of course, fashion), and so many of the romantic triangles and misunderstandings would never have happened if there was a cell phone or quick Google search involved. Besides, we don't need another O.C. or Gossip Girl. Luckily, you already did assure us of this when you tweeted: "Frankie says relax: Sweet Valley High is set in the '80s. Don't feel like brokering some deal with T-Mobile to give Enid a Sidekick."

2. With all the special effects and technology available today, why not go Parent Trap-style and cast one actress as identical twins Elizabeth and Jessica Wakefield? After all, we are told book after book that the twins are identical-looking in every way, "right down to their perfect bodies, silky blond hair, heart-shaped faces, and eyes as blue as the Pacific Ocean." May we suggest Malin Akerman?

3. Many of the later books centered around a dangerous criminal-du-jour targeting the characters, with the Sweet Valley gang involved in some high profile crime case. Why go there when you have the fantastic, crime-free early plots to work from, such as when the slam book fad hit Sweet Valley and threatened many SVH power couples? Or maybe the time Jessica did everything in her power to keep "Easy Annie" Whitman off the cheerleading squad, until poor Annie attempted suicide? Better yet: the time goody-two-shoes Elizabeth was in a motorcycle accident, hit her head, and changed her personality into Jessica? I know you're a fan of this, since you tweeted: "You'll need to suffer personality-changing skull trauma if you really want to be popular. Now get on that motorcycle." I don't envy you having to choose among so many awesome possibilities.

4. Avoid the "after-school special" storylines of supporting characters in the series. We don't want to see patron saint Elizabeth Wakefield condescendingly patting them on the shoulder and single-handedly solving their problems with steroids, divorce, abusive fathers, and race relations. We want to see pool parties and Friday nights at the Beach Disco!

5. I have a vision, and please indulge my wishes: In an opening shot, a Porsche zooms into the Sweet Valley High School parking lot, and stops just short of the camera. The camera zooms in on the vanity plates that say "1BRUCE1". The camera pans back, and super stud Bruce Patman emerges from the car with a preppy sweater tied around his shoulders, smooths back his hair, and smirks. Please make this happen!

6. The numerous series ghostwriters spend several paragraphs verbally drooling over the luxurious homes of Sweet Valley's popular rich kids: The Patmans, The Morrows, The Fowlers. Please convince producers to pour most of their budget into gratuitous shots of gaudy and over-the-top Fowler estate, complete with fountains in the front yard, uniformed maids, and a massive pool. Besides, Lila Fowler deserves to be filmed in such luxury.

7. The kids at SVH seem to spend more time at school-sponsored dances than in class. Perhaps a glance into the curriculum at SVH would be a nice touch, since it always remained a mystery. A view of English teacher Mr. Collins' "alternative teaching style" would perhaps raise some red flags by today's teaching standards, but what would those kids do without a caring teacher who calls students at home all the time and hangs around to meddle in their personal problems?

8. Finally, please center your plot around someone pushing someone else into a pool. It wouldn't be Sweet Valley without it.

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