The "Seriously, what happened to Robin Williams?" disc of the week.

License to Wed
What's such a likable cast doing in such a vapid, irksome film like this? Saccharine, forced, and with the ring of falseness from the dialogue up, here's a junior-high-humor comedy that tries so hard to make you love it you just end up wanting to smack it like a puppy piddling in your shoes. And we do still want to love him, but, here's miscast shtick-in-the-mud Robin Williams as Reverend Frank, who won't bless the upcoming nuptials of Mandy Moore (still adorable even if our patience is wearing thin) and John Krasinski (so fine in The Office) until the hapless couple undergo his grueling series of marriage-prep classes. In a movie that doesn't see an obviousness it won't indulge, Reverend Frank is also uncomfortably voyeuristic (he spies on the young couple to make sure they don't have sex before they're legally wed), intrusive, abusive, and of indeterminate denomination. Honestly, he's a big part of the movie's attempt to end the gay-marriage debate by making sure no one could want any part of the ritual in the first place.

License to Wed sank faster than a lead pipe through a wedding cake, and it's about that funny. Bob Balaban has a welcome cameo, and you can see some early potential in what could have been, but any DVD that leaves you yearning for Patch Adams may end up in bad children's Christmas stockings when the lumps of coal and dead spiders run out.

The DVD presents a complaint-free widescreen 2.35:1 image and Dolby Digital 5.1 audio. (There's also a full-screen version on the same disc, but aficionados know not to even bother with those things.) Extras offer up five deleted scenes with optional audio commentary by director Ken Kwapis (also from The Office, incidentally). Then there's "Ask Choir Boy," wherein you “choose which relationship/marital questions he answers” through various video clips of Choir Boy replying to callers phoning into his talk radio show. Don't bother.

The "so glad this fad is already fading" disc of the week

Captivity
Here's further proof, as if we needed it, that no useful intelligence ever comes from torture. What secret, classified evidence leads someone to decide that we deserve any Saw wannabe? But sicko "pain for play" thinking, high and low, is this year's new pink, so here's the recent torture-fetish bomb with the most notorious (read: tasteless = press-happy) PR campaign. Even for this sort of thing, it's a stress position. Elisha Cuthbert, if you're reading this, contact us. We have a career-guidance conference call with Robin Williams scheduled. The DVD includes, for no good reason, the extras "The Making of Captivity" and "On-the-Set Look," plus deleted (can you imagine?) scenes.

The "What the fringe?" discs of the week

Yoga for Golfers: Level 1 and 2
No, really. Katherine Roberts' fitness workout aims to improve your concentration and your swing by making sure that your mind and body are, heh, whole in one.

Fireplace: Visions of Tranquility [Blu-ray]
Here's the Blu-ray edition for those of you who aren't getting enough cozy high-def crackle from the HD DVD edition, which the box says is "the next best thing to a real fire." Choose from four fireplace viewing options: "The Eternal Flame," "The Complete Fire," "The Extraordinary Fire" and "The Romantic Fire."

North American Whitetail Deer Odyssey
Hey, at least it's not more penguins.

Pocket Snails: Potty Adventure
On second thought, penguins are looking pretty good.

Jenna Jameson: Ultimate Collection

-Mark Bourne

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