The word is Hollywood is planning a remake of the 1987 film, The Stepfather, a semi-crappy horror about a psycho stepdad who just can't stand it when you slam the door to your room. He's just like any other other stepdad, really. Only instead of grounding you, he cuts your heart out. Yes, they're truly scraping the bottom of the barrel when they're talking about Stepfather remakes, but you know what? I'm all for it. Completely. Totally. Unabashedly.

It isn't because I'm a big Terry O'Quinn fan (the original step-daddy) or anything. The reason this is a good idea is because Hollywood is finally getting it. You don't remake classics; remake bad movies. Those are the ones that need remaking.

In fact, I'm going to help Hollywood out with a few more remake ideas:

Van Helsing
This would be a Van Helsing movie where he battles Frankenstein's monster, Dracula and werewolves that stars Hugh Jackman. Should have worked. Didn't. It's time for a do over. And while I enjoyed his Mummy movies, keep Stephen Sommers far, far away from this project.

Cube
I'm cheating here a bit because this movie isn't all that bad, it's just low-budget. The actors clearly weren't Oscar caliber, but they never took away from the film's cool concept. Still, this is a remake made for Paul Verhoeven.

Alexander
I have an idea: let's make a movie about Alexander that shows very little of what made him "great," little of his awe-inspiring genius on the battlefield, little scope of his unprecedented conquering, his influences on cross-culturing... Oh, wait. They made that movie already!

The Postman
I see you snickering. Hear me out. This was a bad movie. But I think there's something to the film's premise at least: a post-apocalyptic tale where a guy tries to reboot the U.S. Postal Service in an effort to regain some of what used to be. There's something there, I think. Other than another Kevin Costner bomb, that is.

Dune
I know this movie has its share of fans and every time I give it a chance the movie just never works for me. The eyes, the cheesy acting, the mind talk, the awkward narrative ... it just never comes together. The TV show has maintained fan interest and I think people would go nuts for another film version. I say give David Lynch another shot at this one. Bonus points if he brings back Sting.

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Dre writes three times a week for Film.com. He remakes himself with a haircut. E-mail him!

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