Hello Hollywood movie producers. How are you? I'm pleased to make your acquaintance and I have some awesome news. Yep, that's right, I have a fricking great idea for a Ben Stiller film. We're all gonna make a ton of money on this one, gents. Stop me if you've heard it before.

You ready? You holding on to something? Here goes nothing: I think we can do a comedy where Stiller is unlucky in love.

How awesome is that? No, I'm completely serious. Now, look, I see what you're saying. But I have a fresh spin on this one, something to update the Stiller with relationship woes genre. I'm talking an evolution of the Ben persona here. First off, in this one we'll have Dan Marino. Do you get that? Because it's pretty much genius. Do I have to explain it? Well look, Brett Favre just broke Dan Marino's NFL touchdown record. It's a play on the whole Something about Mary thing, the one where he wanted to make it work with Cameron Diaz. Plus, bonus level time, with the casting of Marino we're also incorporating how hysterical Ace Ventura was. It's like a two for one. This can't miss.

Next up, Al Pacino. We've all seen Ben Stiller and his crazy pa-in-law Robert De Niro but I think we're all ready to take the next step. What I envision is Pacino as a fire chief, right? And then somehow Stiller will set something on fire, and he'll have to explain to Pacino what happened. But guess what? Pacino won't be having it! We'll be getting dramatic tension and crazy good laughs out of it too. This is a can't miss. Someone start printing money.

No believe me, that's not all I'm bringing to the table. We've been casting this guy with hot blonds for the past decade but it's time to up the ante. I bet you know where I'm going with this one. Yep, that's right, Britney Spears. We get the comeback press and she has plenty of free time on her hands now too. This is a slam-dunk. Can't miss.

Story? Who needs a story? In the first act we'll have them meet. Something will be wrong with Brit. No, in the movie I mean. Like she'll be a really attractive and kind girl who just can't make relationships work. Or she'll have a crazy father. Whatever, BAM, then we throw Stiller into the mix. He'll be completely befuddled by everything. I mean, I'm talking the whole situation will throw him off, and maybe he can do a rant about how he's not perfect, but he's perfect for her. In act two we'll introduce some zany friend, a Jack Black type, but they'll only get into more shenanigans if you get my drift. Act three: they get back together. And Brit, or whatever youngish blond we pick will realize that Stiller had a heart of gold all along. End credits. $60 million opening weekend, no problem.

Title? Of course I got a title. You think I'd come to you without a title? I'm looking to capitalize on everything Ben has done so far so it might seem derivative. But trust me, this can't miss, and it will save us a hell of a lot in ad dollars.

There's Something about Flirting with Polly Focker: A Heartbreaking Underdog Story. See? Told ya. We're in business. Somebody get Ben on the phone. He's going to dig our pitch. This is a big step forward for his career. Now if you'll excuse me I've got a down payment to put down on a Ferrari. With this big mind full of ideas I'm obliged to travel in style.

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