It started with an offhand remark -- "I think that Iron Man is the best comic-book movie ever." I said this to my husband, Patrick, and didn't expect his response to be so, well, passionate.

"Untrue! What about Batman? Not just because of The Dark Knight, but the whole franchise!" he shouted. "You can't dismiss all of Batman after one Iron Man movie!" He shook his head, disgusted by my ignorance.

So we decided to compare Movie Batman with Movie Iron Man to scientifically determine which is superior. Patrick said, rather snarkily, that I'd need to use my laptop since I'm "severely lacking in information about Iron Man," but I explained that this was primarily about movies not comics, so I'd be just fine.

"You didn't set those parameters to begin with," Patrick said. "But I'll school you anyway." And so the Iron Man vs. Batman battle began.

Secret Identities: Both Tony Stark and Bruce Wayne are billionaires, and neither have superpowers, depending on technology to give them an edge over villains. "But only one of them is actually a womanizer," Patrick pointed out. "Bruce Wayne just pretends to be a dog."

I countered that Bruce Wayne actually has poor social skills. "You can't say that he's superior because he's not a womanizer -- Bruce Wayne can't date because he's crazy."

POINT: Iron Man, mainly for not being insane.

Equipment: Both have supersuits and other gadgetry, and I venture that Iron Man has the advantage because he can fly.

"Batman can fly!" Patrick said. "He has wings, and a booster pack. And hello? Batjet and Batcopter! Plus the Batcave is full of supercomputers, and Lucius Fox! Tony Stark just has Jon Favreau to drive his limo."

Warming to his argument, Patrick started to get a little wild-eyed. "Sure, Stark has the Iron Man suit, but that's his whole arsenal! He has nothing to fall back on if that fails him. Throwing dollar bills at bullets isn't particularly effective, is it?"

POINT: Batman, for overall equipment.

Reason for being a superhero: "Tony Stark had an epiphany that he needed to do good, because he hadn't been a good person," I reasoned. "Bruce Wayne's just bitter and obsessed."

"He's driven," Patrick said. "Sometimes psychotically so, but driven."

I counter that fighting crime to be a humanitarian beats fighting crime because of a traumatic childhood experience, because one wants to help while the other seeks to punish.

"Batman wants to help! He's trying to make Gotham a better place, instead of the cesspool it's become," Patrick said. "He's the city's savior!"

"Ah! A messiah complex!" I crowed.

"I knew you were going to say 'messiah complex!'" If anything, Iron Man has one, with his whole resurrection scenario."

POINT: Tie, one point to each.

Villains: Batman, admittedly, has the advantage here, with the Joker, the Penguin, the Riddler, Bane, Poison Ivy, and "more ninjas than you can shake a stick at," according to my husband.

"If you're going just by movies, you're screwed!" Patrick yelled triumphantly. "Iron Man's fighting a corporation and a daddy figure in a suit!

Unfortunately, he was right. And in the comics, it's not much better. Iron Man's big villains include a Chinese dragon named Fing Fang Foon, a Fu Manchu guy with magic rings called The Mandarin, and The Melter, a fellow with a gun that melts stuff. Pretty lame, really.

POINT: Batman. Poor Iron Man really deserves a better class of bad guy.

Actor: If Robert Downey, Jr. scores a solid 10 as Tony Stark, I decided that the most equitable thing would be to rate each Batman actor on the same scale, then average the scores. Beginning with the most recent:

Christian Bale: "I can't think of a better actor to play Batman," Patrick said. "There's no one I'd rather see in the cowl." Score: 10

George Clooney: "With his floppy ears and nipple suit!" I giggled. "Don't blame Clooney," Patrick responded. "Blame creepy Joel Schumacher! But still, Clooney was in over his head." Score: 5

Val Kilmer: "Surprisingly forgettable, considering he's Val Kilmer," I said. Patrick agreed, although he thought that Kilmer had "the prettiest, softest lips" of all the Batman actors. Yes, he really said that. Score: 4

Michael Keaton: I admitted to being sad that the Tim Burton films are so weak, as I'm a big fan of the director. "But Michael Keaton did a great job, even if the films don't hold up," Patrick said. "An underrated Batman, he never gets the recognition he deserves." Score: 8

Adam West: We waffled on whether to include the TV Batman, but if you're comparing all the actors, it only seemed fair. "One word," I said. "Batusi." "Yeah, but he had all those fantastic '60s toys," Patrick said. Score: 7

POINT: Iron Man. After averaging the Batman scores, the total of 8.4 is less than Downey, Jr.'s 10. Patrick tried to argue something about "a sample of one is no way to get a mean," but I brushed off his silly math knowledge as nitpicky.

Final score: Iron Man 3, Bat Man 3. Dammit, a tie!

Patrick wanted to keep going, just to break the tie, but I refused. "Or we could talk about team-ups," he said. "Justice League vs. Avengers! Unfortunately, the Justice League would destroy the Avengers, because they have Superman ..."

"Honey, you're getting off the point," I said. "And you're hyperventilating."

"You're right," he said, taking a deep breath. "That's a discussion for another time."

And the thing is, he meant it.

*****

Dawn Taylor didn't realize when she got married that she'd spend so much time talking about superheroes and zombies.

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