C. Robert Cargill,
Apr 18, 2007
As you might have heard, and at this point it’s hard not to, Indiana Jones 4 is slated to go into production this summer, and just last weekend it was confirmed that LeBeouf will in fact be in the film. So we thought, just in case Spielberg was having a little trouble coming up with ideas, that we’d help. So here’s the Indiana Jones movies I want to see, complete with the following classic moments.
- Open with Indiana Jones on a hunt for Karl Rove’s lost e-mails in the Temple of Oops.
- When an evil, anarchist group sets about to disrupt the American way of life by replacing a member of royalty with an untalented imposter, Indiana Jones must do battle with Howard Stern and the Internet to protect the being known only as The American Idol.
- Indiana returns to the warehouse with miles and miles of ancient relics; UFOs and government secrets have been stolen only to be replaced by box after box of unsold Jar Jar Binks merchandise and copies of the Atari 2600 E.T. video game.
- Indiana regaling his son with stories, like the time he was facing a swordsman and reached for his gun only to find that Spielberg had replaced it with a walkie-talkie.
- Harrison Ford. Pointing. A LOT. BEHOLD THE FINGER OF DOOM!
- Indiana trying to explain to his son why Grandpa has a Scottish accent, but his dad doesn’t.
- When told he has “No time for love, Dr. Jones,” Indy replies, “But the bottle says I have 36 hours.”
C. Robert Cargill - - -
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Austin-based Cargill, who
not only loves but owns The Cutting Edge, writes on movies and DVD five times a week.
