The upcoming Disney film Enchanted has what looks like a cute premise. In it, an animated fairy-tale character named Giselle enters the real New York City and is startled to find that "real life" is quite different from the world she's used to.

That's all well and good for Giselle, but what about all the other fairy-tale characters who are currently shielded from the harsh realities of life? Here are some ideas for other live-action adaptations of familiar stories, and the adjustments that would have to be made if those characters entered our world.

- Goldilocks, having become overly familiar with wild animals, enters the bear habitat at the zoo and is promptly devoured. The bears declare her to have been "just right."

- Cinderella doesn't have to worry about leaving her glass slipper behind at the Prince's ball. As soon as she puts the shoes on in preparation for going out, they break into shards and cut up her feet. She spends the evening in the emergency room and misses the ball altogether. The Prince marries a supermodel. The end.

- When Chicken Little runs around saying the sky is falling, Al Gore seizes the opportunity to say, "See?! I told you!"

- Hansel and Gretel, having been abandoned in the woods by their spineless father and evil stepmother, use the GPS tracking devices on their cell phones to find their way back to civilization. They then use the same cell phones to call numerous child welfare agencies and local TV stations, and their parents are sent to prison. Oh, and the witch who lives in the gingerbread house in the forest? Dead from diabetes. Sad, really.

- Jack intends to plant the magic beans that would grow into a beanstalk, but before he gets a chance, his roommate Bodie smokes them.

- When Rapunzel shows up at a charity event wearing a very short wig, the world will know that she's finally discovered something: Allowing a man to climb up a tower using your hair as a rope will result in the hair being torn out of the scalp by its roots.

- When the girl known as Sleeping Beauty pricks her finger on a spindle and falls into a coma, the media flurry surrounding her family's decision to remove her feeding tube prevents the prince from getting into her hospital room to awaken her with a kiss.

- Puss in Boots is disappointed that all anyone wants to do is take pictures of him and post them on the Internet with illiterate captions.

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Eric D. Snider (website) hopes to live happily ever after.

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