If I Ran Hogwarts

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry in Warner Bros Pictures' "Harry Potter"
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry in Warner Bros Pictures' "Harry Potter" -
Laremy Legel

If you're any sort of serious Harry Potter fan you know that the so called "Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry" is seriously mismanaged. There's an incident at the school every single year - and yet the staff is caught freshly unprepared and clueless again and again. How can this be? How can a school continue to exist without anything resembling competent oversight? You know if this disaster was placed in your school district there would be board meetings and mass layoffs all over the place.

Yet in the happy world of Harry Potter the school bumbles along with nothing even resembling a glimmer of new leadership much less the needed complete overhaul. Because of this I can't remain quiet any longer. The school can choose to ignore my advice (at their peril) or they can implement just a few of these suggestions and perhaps gain the slightest bit of dignity back as the franchise reaches culmination.

Behold, the reformation of Hogwarts!

The first order of business would be the dissolution of the Slytherin house. I don't think withering looks and lippy students is a legacy that any organization should continue to support. If this was a college (and based on the loosy-goosy attendance record and curriculum clearly it's not) they would have thrown out this fraternity long ago. Draco's anti-muggle slurs alone merit expulsion. I don't care if Slytherin is Professor Snape's baby, they're an affront to all things right and just. See you later Slytherin.

Next up, the "Defense Against the Dark Arts" teaching position would get axed. Hogwarts hiring practices are clearly a joke. The first Harry Potter revealed the teacher to be nothing less than Lord Voldemort's pawn. How did they follow this up? By hiring a guy who couldn't even do magic. Do they not check references? Regardless, let's just eliminate this position as Harry has been forced to learn defense against the dark arts on his own anyway.

The Muggles need representation too. Separatist schools and isolationist practices haven't worked throughout history, and yet there Hogwarts stands on its mighty pedestal. No wonder aint-muggle rage runs rampant. In place of the worthless position (defense, dark arts) I just 86'd I'd throw a Muggle sensitivity course in. The era of blatant discrimination should have ended a long time ago.

The rise of the Hufflepuffs would be set in motion. The Hufflepuffs keep their noses clean. They have a spotless record and yet all the glory goes to the sometimes valiant, often reckless Gryffindor house. No longer. The sorting hat would be told that the cream of the crop was headed Hufflepuff's way. Gryffindor would have to earn its way back to prominence without wacky last minute score tampering. And don't even get me started on Ravenclaw.

Lastly, Dumbledore would be put out to pasture. Look, give him a full pension based on his many decades of service. But let's not kid ourselves as to his current usefulness. He doesn't know the grounds of the school (The Chamber of Secrets) and he hasn't provided timely or helpful information for quite some time. You would think at this point a "Harry quarantine" system would be implemented at the first sign of trouble. Baddies are constantly coming out of the wordwork to go after Harry and yet all Dubmledore seems capable of is vague encouragement and bailing Harry out every time he breaks the rules. Yeah, occasionally the guy busts out with some nice magic, or sends a friend to help, but that's no excuse for all of his failings as a leader.

Honestly, I was just getting started here because I can think of a few dozen other problems with Hogwarts as an overall learning experience. These guys need dramatic improvement, and pronto. But I've gotten the tap on my shoulder from the bosses that I need to wrap this up, so I'll digress. If you've got some ideas throw them in the comments section. Otherwise, should you be fortunate enough to have a little witch or wizard running around your house, know that they'll be headed off to a second rate education just as soon as they hit eleven.

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Other ramblings available at LaremyLegel.com

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