After taking two weeks off for the holidays, Project Runway will be back Wednesday, but, some two months into the fourth season, I can’t help but wonder what the show has managed to teach us so far this time around. To amuse myself during Heidi’s absence, I put together this list.

Never agree to become team leader on Project Runway. Never ever.
You’ve probably figured this one out from past seasons, but I just thought it necessary to point out this golden rule yet again. Seriously, why would you do it? In my memory, nobody has ever been kicked off the show during a team challenge except the responsible team leader. This means, your odds of getting kicked off diminish by astronomical percentages by agreeing to step out front. And for what? Immunity? The reward is not worth the risk, at all.

Sarah Jessica Parker is a fashion icon?
Okay, I’ll concede that she is. Why, I don’t know. After all, I can’t recall anybody anywhere ever wearing something Carrie Bradshaw put on on Sex and the City. Nobody except Carrie could pull it off and, let’s be fair here, not even she did. Not really. Audiences just assumed she looked good because she’s on TV and seems glamorous, but she always looked kind of silly, if you ask me. High fashion is great, but you’re not necessarily supposed to wear it out the door. Which brings up my point here: If Sarah Jessica is such a fashion icon, why the hell is her fashion line sold at Steve & Barry’s? Their clothes are so cheap, I always assumed it was some sort of chain created to compete with thrift stores.

Rules don’t apply to any challenge as long as you make it work.
Jillian and Steven postulated this design theory on a recent episode, flipping a finger at the clearly stated rules because, as near as I can tell, they were lazy, whiny, and maybe partially retarded, too. When charged with designing a new women’s outfit out of the material of an old outfit, both just bought new material and integrated small, inconsequential pieces of fabric from the outfit they were given while everyone else worked their asses off to pull off miracles with their crappy clothes. In the end, Jillian made it work and even got praised for it, while Steven didn’t and was kicked off the runway. Both should’ve gone home, if you ask me. Who likes cheaters?

Designers are idiots when it comes to menswear.
Seriously, how does one aspire to become a high-fashion designer without having ever measured a man for anything? Even the gay dudes seem largely clueless about such a simple thing, and I would’ve at least assumed they’d put something together in their lives for themselves or their partners.

Project Runway sucks when Heidi Klum is not preggo.
I know, I know, I’ve made this point a dozen times already. But that doesn’t change how true it is. I never got into the show’s first season, but, by the second season, when Heidi was busting with Seal’s love-baby inside her, I couldn’t get enough. Same goes for season three, when she was ready to pop again. This season, I’m back to not caring. I’m not sure why this is, but I don’t have medical insurance, which means there’s no way to afford the therapist who could explain it to me.

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