Last night our beloved Gossip Girl returned from its strike hiatus (apparently, the kids were just on spring break for the last few months) with its juiciest, bitchiest episode yet. And for once, Chuck Bass wasn't behind any of the drama.

The episode began with another Breakfast at Tiffany's influenced nightmare for Blair. As she searched for her cat in the rain, a trench coat-clad Nate taunted her by calling her Jenny and telling her she didn't have a cat. She screamed "I'm Blair!"at him until we realized her name was being called out by the maid, who was trying to shake her awake. It turned out B had spent her spring break in bed with her "only friend" -- Lady Godiva. (Blair did seem to be going a little heavy on the junk food in this episode. Could her "condition"be coming back to haunt her?)

But you couldn't really blame B for not wanting to go to school. As much as Serena tried to convince her that everyone had moved on from the whole Blair/Nate/Chuck scandal to gossip about the events of spring break (leading to my favorite line of the night, "Myra finally got into Brody Jenner's cell phone!"Ha!), Blair knew there was more trouble waiting for her at Constance Billard. And she turned out to be right, when she was greeted at school by some flying yogurt in her hair, courtesy of Little Jenny Humphrey.

It turned out Little J sold her soul (and her sewing machine) for a trip to Aspen with Blair's usurpers, Penelope and Hazel. But our poor little Brooklyn girl was already in near financial ruin after two weeks of $120 brunches, hefty bar tabs, and several consecutive nights out with girls who'd been raised to never wear the same outfit twice. She was already worried about how she'd be able to come up with a new dress to wear to her own birthday party when she was given another social mandate, err, invitation -- dinner at hot spot Butter. And this was where we saw just how low Jenny is willing to sink. Jenny sweetly invited Blair to Butter (S and B should have known better since this invitation came just a few hours after the yogurt incident), and convinced the other girls to stand B up and hang out at Hazel's instead. J got to save a few bucks and take credit for humiliating Blair all at once. Genius, right?

Wrong. It turns out you can take the Queen out of B, but you can't take the B out of Bitch. Despite Serena's advice to be nice, Blair couldn't take the Butter stand-up sitting down. And it didn't take her long to hatch the perfect revenge scheme: convince Rufus to invite the girls over for a surprise party at the Humphreys' loft in Brooklyn. Needless to say, the Queen Bees were unimpressed by the balloons, streamers, and giant Jenny cake Blair and Rufus had prepared.

But when Jenny arrived, she had way bigger problems than just the embarrassment of it all. The prior night, she'd stolen a dress from Hazel's mother's closet (which was the size of a real NYC apartment) thinking the woman had so many, she'd never notice. Little J sold the stolen frock to her favorite thrift shop (now home to her old sewing machine and most of her other belongings) in exchange for a glittery Dolce and Gabbana cocktail dress. But before Jenny could show the dress off to her new friends, she learned that a one-of-a-kind Valentino gown had been stolen from Hazel's mother's closet, the police had been called, and a maid had lost her job.

J frantically rushed back to the thrift store to make an exchange, but the ethically challenged shop keeper wanted $8,000 for it! (She'd paid the naive Jenny much less for it to begin with). Jenny called the only rich friend she could trust, Nate (who'd earlier warned her about the perils of her new posse), but told him to forget it when he demanded to know why she needed the money. She then opted to steal the dress back from the thrift store, wearing it home under her coat. But she wasn't able to get it off before getting caught by Blair, Rufus, and all of her new friends. And faster than you could say OMG, Blair was Queen Bee again, and inviting her subjects out to Butter for an "after-party."

Jenny's spirits couldn't be raised by getting yelled at by Rufus, or by being invited out for ice cream by Dan. Instead -- and just when I was worried this delicious power struggle between she and Blair was already over -- Little J pulled one last trick out of her pink beret. She showed up at the Archibald residence, claiming she didn't want to be alone on her birthday and asking Nate if he'd join her for "tea and cupcakes." She then brought the confused pretty boy to Butter, and plopped him down in front of Penelope, who'd been harboring a "historic crush"on him for years. Suddenly, the stolen dress was water under the bridge, and Blair, who'd been at the bar while all this was going on, had permanently lost her seat at the table. Awesome!

And where was Blair's BFF while all this was going on? Mostly at home, dealing with her Bridezilla mother, and diabolical future stepbrother Chuck, who committed the ultimate crime early in the episode by taking over her bathroom. He then further infuriated S by taking sweet little Eric under his wing. Eric was so happy to suddenly have a cool older brother to look up to, he didn't care if Chuck was the biggest sleazeball on the Upper East Side. But Serena was having none of it, especially when she started receiving a series of mysterious gifts -- a box of porn, a case of champagne to share with the junior class, and a bag of cocaine.

S, convinced her new stepbrother was behind the gifts, ratted C out to his dad, who was quick to banish the poor little rich boy back to his own suite rather than do any actual parenting. But the final surprise revealed the true benefactor, the mysterious "G."We haven't learned anything about "G"yet, except that the very mention of her initial is enough to make Chuck hit the bottle... which isn't much of an accomplishment, so we really know nothing about her. She'll make her debut next week.

Until then... XOXO.

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