Perhaps you are an energetic, bright-eyed young film critic, just starting out in the biz, and you'd like to boost your name recognition by getting quoted in movie ads and trailers. This is a natural inclination. All writers want to attract readers, and being quoted in a film's promotional material is like a heapin' helping of free publicity!

But how do you do it? There are thousands of people writing about movies, and only a handful of them get quoted. What separates them from you? How can you emulate them and turn yourself into a publicity-happy quote dispenser? By following these simple steps, that's how!

HOW TO GET QUOTED IN MOVIE ADS

1. Praise a film that nobody else likes.
It's basic supply and demand. A film like Slumdog Millionaire doesn't need a quote from a nobody like you. Hundreds of critics liked it, and most of them have names that are more recognizable than yours. A film like The Spirit, on the other hand, has very few options, because it's a terrible movie that nobody liked. Or almost nobody, that is: A guy named Scott Hoffman, of MoviePictureFilm.com, called it "one of the best movies of the year" and subsequently was quoted in the commercials. Why? Because he was the only person anywhere on the face of the earth who had anything good to say about it.

2. I've told you a billion times, you can never use too much hyperbole!
It isn't enough to say, "This film is pretty good!" They're not going to quote you on that. You need to say something like "This film is brilliant!" or "Hilarious from start to finish!" or "One of the best movies of the year!" (Note: You can even say that in January.)

3. Use words that imply you've been physically abused by the film.
Movie marketers love nothing more than phrases suggesting actual bodily harm has been done. "Eye-popping!" "Heart-stopping!" "Adrenaline-pumping!" Those are all dangerous medical conditions that somehow make movies sound more appealing. When you write about a movie that was exciting, don't just say it was "exciting." "Exciting" is boring. Instead, say that the movie "was like a 10-megaton explosion of action in your face!" or that it "smashed me into the back wall of the theater!" Make it sound like a judge should be issuing a restraining order against the movie.

4. It will help if you end every sentence with an exclamation point!
That's how they're going to print it in the ad, so you might as well write it that way to begin with.

5. Write for a website with a legitimate-sounding name.
No matter how much praise you lavish on a movie that no one else likes, you're not going to be quoted if your site is called "Pooping on Movies" or "Cinematic Rapists" or "EricDSnider.com." Try to come up with something that has a more respectable air about it. Even desperate movie publicists have some standards.

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