For me, I will only ever imagine one actor as Santa Claus, and that is Edmund Gwenn in the original Miracle on 34th Street. Oh, there have been others that made me believe in them. David Huddleston was wonderful in Santa Claus: The Movie and, more recently, Tim Allen and Paul Giamatti managed to breathe some comedic life into an iconic, but familiar role in The Santa Clause and Fred Claus. But none have ever come close to capturing the magic Gwenn radiated as Kris Kringle. He is, and always will be, the Santa Claus all other should be compared to.

With that in mind, I thought I'd look back at the history of cinematic Santa Clauses and figure out, once and for all, which not only fell short of Gwenn's Father Christmas, but didn't even manage to land on the right global pole.

The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause
Now, I've never been a fan of Tim Allen. I think the guy pretty much became unfunny the moment Home Improvement hit the air, but I'll be the first to admit I adored The Santa Clause for its ingenuity, its sincerity, and, as weird as this sounds, its deconstructionist take on the man in red. Moreover, Allen was Santa Claus by the end. Then came The Santa Clause 2, which was okay, though an obvious ploy to exploit the original. By the third, The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause, though, the filmmakers weren't even taking the property seriously anymore. Suddenly Cupid, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, and, in a flagrant attempt to mock the Rankin/Bass productions, Martin Short as Jack Frost were all in the picture. Consequently, Santa Claus was reduced to a whore. Santa Claus, as long as you want my respect, you cannot be a whore. Seems obvious, I would think.

Miracle on 34th Street (1994)
I don't care if St. Nick is played by a very jolly Richard Attenborough. Read my comments above: Santa Claus is not a whore, which means no remakes of a classic that still holds up today.

Ernest Saves Christmas
Contrary to what you might expect, I'm actually a big fan of Ernest Saves Christmas. Douglas Seale's Santa Claus is even one of the best to ever grace the big screen. The problem, however, arises when Santa chooses his successor, a guy named Joe played by career TV actor Oliver Clark. But the guy doesn't even look like Santa Claus, except for a fake beard. In these cases, an audience needs to at least like the replacement half as much as the original, and we just don't here.

Call Me Claus
2001 was a lousy year for America, but it was also a lousy year for Christmas with the release of this direct-to-TV movie my mother made me sit through because, for reasons I will never understand, she actually likes Whoopi Goldberg (who, apparently desperate for paying work, agreed to star in this travesty). The Whoop, as I like to refer to her, plays an ornery home shopping network producer who, for reasons too absurd for me to bother with, is chosen by the current Santa Claus to replace him after the powers that be force him to retire after his 200-year run. Did you catch that? No, it's not the punch line. I'm serious. The Whoop becomes Saint Nick.

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
In this 1964 "classic," Martians kidnap Santa Claus to make toys for their Martian children. I'm not joking about this one either. No wonder why it's regularly called one of the worst movies ever made.

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