Sigh. Ellen. Ellen, baby. I love you. Not in that creepy, stalker-on-the-Internet sort of way. In that way that I see real potential in you. I see a star waiting to explode onto the scene. I see the next Natalie Portman. The next Christina Ricci if, you know, Christina Ricci actually had range. You're an extremely talented girl. So why are you trying to be the next Maggie Gyllenhaal?

I mean, I get why you did Hard Candy. Great script, taut premise. It gave you a lot of exposure, especially since you were the lead. It sure was a far cry from I Downloaded a Ghost. Then you stepped up to play Kitty Pride in X-Men: Last Stand. How could you know that would be the crappy one? You had no idea that Tom Rothman was trying so hard to rush the film out before Superman Returns, that they went with a script that barely got proofread for errors, let alone content. But it was a great career move. You were on everyone's radar. Now Juno is coming out (which is a wise choice), but your Sundance film (An American Crime) seems to be caught in the ether. And your upcoming slate of roles is, well, less than Hollywood, to say the least.

I mean suuuuure, Juno is directed by Thank You For Smoking's genius Jason Reitman. And yes, I know Michael Cera is this years hot new comedy guy. And yes, Jennifer Garner, Jason Bateman, and Allison Janney are no slouches. And okay, it is a really funny comedy. But how many people are going to see it, despite the fact that pretty much everyone is going to like it?

Look, I'm not saying you have to grab a surfboard and gear up for Blue Crush 2: Hittin' the Waves Again. But it wouldn't hurt. You don't just need festival Jockeys like me to know who you are. You need teenage boys to put your poster on their wall. You need housewives to talk about what a nice girl, a fine actress and a real role model for those OTHER GIRLS you are. You need TMZ crawling up your skirt so that when you make an indie film, EVERYONE wants to see it. And you want it so that when Hollywood comes calling, you can select only the best and most intelligent of scripts.

That rule about two for Hollywood, one for yourself? Totally true. Matt Damon does it. Will Smith. Angelina Jolie. Kevin Spacey. Don Cheadle. They all do it. And it's not just about the paycheck. It's about getting the Average Joes interested enough to see a film they might not ordinarily see. Like your lesbian werewolf movie, Jack and Diane due out next year.

You've got the talent. You could be HUGE. Or….you could be Maggie Gyllenhaal. She's awesome. I love her. But I rarely get the chance to write about her, because there's always something much bigger than her films opening. Of course, when Jolie so much as appears in the background of a film, I get to write about her for weeks. It's your call.

C. Robert Cargill - - - Email Me
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Austin-based Cargill, who not only loves but owns The Cutting Edge, writes on movies and DVD five times a week.

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