Okay, last time I gave you guys a nice list of Holiday-Themed DVD gift ideas for the people you love (or just feel compelled to buy a nice gift for), and no doubt seen my recommendations for Surefire DVD gifts. This time we are going to look at some holiday DVDs you want to avoid like the plague. Yes, these are some stocking-stuffers that represent your personal lumps of coal.

Besides the referential joke, you can sit in the comfort of your own home watching the superior 1966 26-minute version while your neighbor is subjected to 104 minutes of frightening live-action Who creatures. Yeesh.

Okay, if you have a kid in your neighborhood you are convinced is the anti-christ, you have two options here: If you suspect the kid is a real wuss deep down, you can either get him a copy of that really cheesy 1997 straight-to-video horror flick or the 1998 Michael Keaton family flick. Both are equally horrifying and should result is tears throughout the holiday season. Yay!

This is a smart gift. See, a lot of people like this movie. It's crap, and it's unfunny and uninspired. Exactly. At least you can rest your conscience knowing that you didn't get them a gift you respect while maintaining an aura of pleasant and professional obedience. You should also note you will be buying them the full screen version. Yeah! Chew on that, boss-man!

Do I have to explain why?

Have a girlfriend with an annoyingly prudish best friend? Do you have an in-law who raises their nose should a conversation enter a realm of a sexual or vulgar nature? Well, you can whip out a copy of this DVD or better yet, this one. Whether they watch that infamous holiday orgy or a hilariously foul-mouthed Dennis Leary, you're sure to get their heart rate accelerating.

Okay girls, guys ... is there a girl that just really gets under your skin? Why, pick up a copy of Black Christmas and take joy in the fact that they will surely be wondering whether or not you're certifiably insane. If the police come knocking (and they may), you don't know me and we never had this conversation. Capiche?

There is a flip side to every coin. Guys like action movies. Guys like Charlize Theron. But no one, and I mean no one likes this Ben Affleck stinker directed by some bloke named John Frankenheimer. Hey, John, nice way to coast on another great director's coattails.

I know this is a kids' movie and all, but I have never seen one that felt so false and self-aware. When I saw this movie I was traumatized. I passed out, knocked my head on the theatre floor and was met with a vision on the scale of Doc Brown's flux capacitor. That vision was the following equation: Uh-Nuld + Caricature of Himself + Sinbad = Bad Movie. Yes, it's patented, so don't try any funny business either.

Okay kiddos, that's all I have for you this holiday season. Be sure to watch yourselves and stay clear from those PS3 freaks. They're dangerous!

Dre Rivas
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Dre writes 5 times a week for Film.com, covering Movies and DVD with his Floridian flare.

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