Remember how we told you about how Diddy allegedly slugged some dude at an Oscars after-party, because, um ... the guy didn't want Diddy macking on his fiancee right in front of him? Well, the guy sued. You can read the entire allegation in the court document here, but I'll give you the highlights (emphasis added by me).

Defendant Combs turned to Plaintiff and in a threatening and ominous manner yelled, "What the f*** you looking at dude?" Right away, Plaintiff, who felt threatened by Defendant and in fear for his safety and the safety of his girlfriend given Defendant's conduct and the fact that they were surrounded by Defendant's private security, immediately looked at this girlfriend and advised her that they should leave. Instantly, Defendant Combs, again in a threatening and ominous manner, yelled at Plaintiff that, "I'll smack flames out your ass!" ... Defendant Combs intentionally, willfully, knowingly and unlawfully attacked, assaulted and battered Plaintiff, without Plaintiff's consent, thereby causing Plaintiff to fly backwards several feet.

Man, I sure am glad we don't have to write gossip columns like legal documents. I should try that for a day. Just be all like, "This afternoon, at 10:15 p.m. Pacific Standard Time, Paris Hilton, also known as Paris Whitney Hilton, but referred to hereafter as Defendant Ho-bag, intentionally, willfully, knowingly and disturbingly exited a vehicle in the ominous absence of underwear, without the consent of the general public, who were visually and irreparably assaulted by the resultant imagery. Pics below." Ha. Actually, that would rock.

Stay tuned to watch Diddy wriggle his way out of this one.

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