It's a fiendish dilemma worthy of Jigsaw himself. Next week, Saw V and High School Musical 3 will hit theaters on the same day! How can a person with limited time and money possibly choose which one to see?!

Don't fret, Hector. We've got you covered with this handy chart.

Saw V vs. High School Musical 3: Here's what to see...

If you want to watch death: Saw V.

If you want to wish for death: High School Musical 3.

If you want to hear young people shrieking: Either.

If you like to watch the process of a song getting stuck in someone's head: High School Musical 3.

If you like to watch the process of a screwdriver getting stuck in someone's head: Saw V.

If the sight of gruesome blood and gore would give you nightmares: High School Musical 3.

If the sight of Zac Efron's waxy, inhuman face would give you nightmares: Saw V.

If you'd like to see the film that will eventually be described as "the last movie anyone in the cast ever made before their careers all tanked": Either.

If you're stuck babysitting your little sister: High School Musical 3.

If you're stuck babysitting your little sister, and your name is Eli Roth: Saw V.

If you enjoy watching people forced to carry out horrible acts by the devious madmen who control their every move: Either. (Tell me Jigsaw is any better than The Walt Disney Company.)

If you have trouble following a plot that's any more complicated than, say, Dumbo: High School Musical 3.

If it doesn't matter to you whether a plot makes sense, as long as it's accompanied by a loud, grinding heavy-metal soundtrack: Saw V.

If you want to see another awful, desperate sequel in a franchise that should have quit after the first one: Either.

* * * * *

Eric D. Snider (website) will stay at home and watch The Care Bears Movie that weekend.

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