Celebrity Rehab is one of the latest entries in the celebreality genre. Usually, these shows are the ultimate guilty pleasure. There's something delightful about watching washed-up famous people make asses of themselves. For that reason, I was really looking forward to watching Celebrity Rehab, but I just couldn't derive any pleasure from watching it.

The premiere episode introduced each celebrity by showing us "home video" footage of the stars drunk, using, and/or trying to score drugs. (The footage looked awfully professional -- I think it was probably shot by professionals but was labeled as "home video" to avoid the myriad potential legal issues that might arise by VH1 giving the appearance of facilitating or condoning such behavior.) After they arrived at the treatment facility, Dr. Drew interviewed them about their history with substance abuse and what they hoped to get out of rehab.

The celebrities include Joanie "Chyna" Laurer and Brigitte Nielsen, reunited after being on The Surreal Life together, porn star and gubernatorial candidate Mary Carey, and Jessica Sierra from American Idol, most of whom primarily have issues with alcohol; Jaimee Foxworth, better known as little Judy from Family Matters has a problem with marijuana; and Seth Binzer (the lead singer from Crazy Town, who did that stupid song that every dumb girl with a butterfly tattoo was really into), who seems to be into most kinds of drugs, and during the initial segment asked the cameras to get lost so he could score (apparently drug dealers don't want to be filmed). All of their stories are pretty depressing. I kind of expected not to feel sorry for people who have had fame, money, and opportunities, and let addiction jeopardize them, but I do.

Saddest of all is Jeff Conaway (from Taxi and Grease), who spent most of the first two episodes incoherent and barely mobile, in a wheelchair most of the time (when he wasn't at the hospital, that is). He seems so sad and feeble that I have a hard time believing that he was capable of consenting to appear on the show. He's got a girlfriend who has smuggled drugs in to him in rehab before and she seems like bad news.

The other celebrity we have met so far is Daniel Baldwin, who is just a giant tool. (No surprise considering that the jackass gene seems to be prominent in that family.) He is coming into the experience already sober, which has clearly given him a huge sense of superiority over the other celebrities. It is almost as if he thinks he is Dr. Drew's helper instead of a rehab participant, as he takes all the opportunities he can get to "coach" and lecture the others. What a pretentious schmuck.

I really like Dr. Drew and always have, ever since the MTV version of Loveline, and I do think that he really is trying to help these celebs (and others, by raising awareness about the dangers of addiction) with this show. But I can't help but feel guilty, as if I am watching something I shouldn't be seeing. There are some private and painful revelations in the group therapy sessions, and as the celebrities suffer the physical ramifications of detox. There just isn't the same sense of schadenfreude that there is with VH1's other celebreality offerings. I'll probably watch it, because now I'm totally worried about all of these people, but I won't enjoy it as much as I expected to.

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Amy Kane spends as much quality time with her television as possible, when she's not busy at her day job as a cube dweller.

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