Speed Racer may have tanked at the box office last month, but Hollywood refuses to give up on the notion that today’s kids want to see movies based on the cartoons their parents grew up watching. Thus, The Smurfs are headed to the big screen! There aren’t many concrete details on the project at this point, except that the film will be a mixture of live-action and animation. It sounds to me like the powers that be at Columbia and Sony don’t really know where they’re going with this concept yet, which means there’s still time to try and influence them.

Here are my casting selections for a few choice Smurfs:

Papa Smurf: Sean Connery
He’s old enough. He’s wise enough and he can totally rock a white beard. Plus, with the success of the Shrek films, cartoon characters with Scottish brogues are all the rage these days.

Smurfette: Britney Spears
With all the media attention she gets, Brit is already used to being treated like the only woman in the world. She’ll be able to relate.

Brainy Smurf: John Oliver
This dignified Daily Show correspondent has got the smarts and the glasses to do this Smurf justice.

Jokey Smurf: Carrot Top
Who better to play the annoying, unfunny prop comic of Smurf Village than the most annoying, unfunny prop comic in Hollywood?

Clumsy Smurf: Jack McBrayer
This Smurf was a dimwitted but goodhearted hillbilly. Doesn’t that sound like a certain NBC page we know?

Vanity Smurf: Ryan Seacrest
Because not even in Hollywood is there another man well-groomed enough.

Gargamel: Paul Giamatti
The human enemy of the Smurfs was a cranky, balding, evil wizard with thick eyebrows and bad teeth. Giamatti is no stranger to playing cranky or ugly. He can learn the rest.

Are you looking forward to seeing another beloved '80s cartoon brought to the big screen? Who else would you cast to help make this movie more Smurftastic?

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