I often lower my expectations for a movie based only upon the trailer (hello, Love Guru!). But for today's experiment I'd like to judge a movie based solely on a few productions stills, as I haven't even seen the trailer. Our subject matter is M. Night Shyamalan's The Happening. A few notes before we begin our photographic foray:

1. I'm a big fan of Zooey Deschanel. Big fan of the name, big fan of the gal. Often times high powered executives will remark, with regards to my pending verdict on their forthcoming film, "Well, at least it has Zooey in it! He's bound to love it!" By and large this is true. However, there is the lesser known Failure to Launch caveat which states: A bad movie is a bad movie even with Zooey in the mix. So don't think The Happening is going to get a pass based on Zooey being featured prominently in the stills. That was a clever ploy, but it's not the whole battle.

2. Where Shyamalan is concerned I liked Unbreakable, Sixth Sense, and Signs. You can have the rest. I don't love or hate him, but I do think he gets a little too much credit for someone who hasn't made a winner in five years.

That is all. On to the first photo along with my imagined dialogue for the scene being portrayed:

Mark Wahlberg: What IS that?
Zooey Deschanel: I don't know; I am very confused-looking.
Mark: And why did I get OUT of the car to use these binoculars?
Zooey: Hey, am I sitting in the back seat?

Next up:

Mark: This is clearly a radio hung from a fence.
Kid #1: But WHY???
Kid #2: Hello! We are standing in a giant field!
Zooey: I could really use a haircut. I look like I'm about to attend a '60s style sock-hop.

And then:

John Leguizamo: WHAT is that?
Mark: I don't know, but it is clearly large enough that I need to look skyward to even gaze upon it.
Little Girl #1: I am very scared. But this purple backpack is sweet.
John: What are the chances this coffee I'm holding becomes Starbucks in post-production?

And finally:

Zooey: My hair is all better!
Mark: Stupid Leguizamo keeps hogging my screen time.
Little Girl #1: Still very scared over here.
John: You can tell I'm a school teacher because I'm wearing glasses. Very studious, right? This means that later on I'll be able to talk about the monster with some intelligence while others say "No, we CAN'T WIN!"
Zooey: Honestly, I still look pretty confused, even WITH the better hair.

So then, experiment complete. What has been accomplished here? Well, it's clear that you can't judge a movie by its still photos -- even a film like this one that has people looking confused all the time. I suppose we'll have to wait until June 13th for the rest of the story, eh? I just hope I can avoid the trailer until then.

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