"Astoundingly awful."

"Crude."

"A one-note joke."

Those are just some of the reviews for ABC's new sitcom Cavemen. And those are the good ones.

If you haven't heard, the show is based entirely on the cavemen from those ubiquitous commercials by Geico Insurance. The ads feature a bunch of Cro-Magnons living in modern day America who are constantly offended by Geico's ad slogan, "So easy a caveman can do it." There are funny scenes of bearded and big-browed cavemen walking through airports, at posh parties, and even eating at upscale restaurants.

I admit, I thought the commercials were humorous when they came out. But like any over-used ad campaign, they've lost their charm. So it's hard for me to imagine how ABC thought that the cavemen would make a funny television show.

I'm tired of 30 seconds. Now you're going to give me 30 minutes? A week?

Apparently, people who have viewed the pilot feel the same way. In fact, they disliked it so much that producers are shelving the original pilot, and are shooting a completely new episode to serve as the pilot. An extreme makeover, if you will. Back to the cave drawing wall, so to speak.

I honestly don't know what ABC was thinking. I realize that American TV producers have been void of any creative ideas for a long time. Seems like every good show these days is a rip-off from a successful British program. But stealing ideas from Madison Avenue? Come on. I mean seriously, didn't anyone learn anything from the Baby Bob fiasco.

As long as the networks are looking for bad ideas, I have a few:

1. Bring back the Budweiser Frogs! Here's the story: one frog wants to live with the other two frogs, but has to pretend he's not really an amphibian or the lizard landlord won't let him stay. We'll call it, Three's Hoppening.

2. On the next episode of Lost, they find a new castaway -- the "can you hear me now?" guy. He wanders the island until he gets a clear cell signal and everyone is rescued.

3. Ultimate Puppet Fighting: Put the Pets.com dog puppet and Triumph the Insult Comic Dog into the ring and let 'em at each other. SPIKE TV will love it!

4. The Cat Whisperer: Morris the Cat comes back to life and can talk to the dead, so he helps police solve murders and sofa damage.

5. Yet another spin-off of CSI featuring those annoying "Wazzup" guys. Here's the promo line -- "They find out what's going down, by asking... wazzzzzzzzuuuuuuup!"

Cavemen airs Tuesday, October 2nd at 8 pm on ABC. How long it will last after that is anyone's guess.

Ethan Morris: "Not always right, but never in doubt." Go ahead and write me.

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