So GE just came up with some techno magic that will enable a single DVD to hold what now fills one hundred discs. It uses whiz-bang holographical technology and it's all still in the development stage and isn't ready for commercial applications just yet, but imagine the possibilities! Every Three Stooges short on one DVD, with room left over for every Looney Tunes cartoon, every episode of M*A*S*H and Saturday Night Live and The Simpsons, with still more room left over for Groucho Marx's favorite bean dip recipes, Chevy Chase's choices for Best English-Language Jokes, and the collected oeuvre of Ann Coulter. They'll call it The Disgustingly Complete American Comedy Bonanza or something, and the first interstellar astronauts won't even get through it all on their 20-year journey to Alpha Centauri. Awesome!

But wait just a commentary-listenin' minute! Sure, it'll be great to get every episode of Star Trek -- all the different series; yes, even the animated one -- on one disc. But what if that 100-DVD capacity was used for evil? What if, say, Michael Bay decided that his ultra-extra-supremo-holographic director's cut of Armageddon demanded the 100-disc-on-1 treatment?

Imagine the extras:

• Real astronomers rip to shreds Michael Bay's science ... and he blows them up in lovingly rendered CGI slo-mo!

• Commentary track from the guy who applied Liv Tyler's lip gloss before every scene. Thrill to the tales of how he chose his makeup brushes! Marvel at the concerted effort that goes into choosing Cherry Vanilla Latte over Strawberry Punch Glacé!

But it's not just the likes of Michael Bay who will benefit! Imagine: 18 hours of Woody Allen fretting that he's just not man enough to have made Manhattan and delving into his 101 conspiracy theories about who might have actually made the film; Matthew McConaughey's minute-by-minute camcorder diary of the making of Surfer, Dude, all 28 months of it, from conception over a bong and a bottle of lime-infused Corona to the on-the-beach premiere in Honolulu; George Lucas' "fantasy" commentary track on The Phantom Menace, in which he daydreams about what Adam Smith and Karl Marx would have had to say about the Trade Federation, planetary embargoes, and interstellar monopolies.

The possibilities are endless. We are heading into a new golden age of movies, my friends.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
MaryAnn Johanson hardly ever watches DVD extras at FlickFilosopher.com. (email me)

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