Ladies and gentlemen, if your ears have found themselves within a yard of a grapevine you already have heard of the rather disturbing reports that the next Lucas-Indy adventure will not star La Shia's Mutt Williams. Sure, he may be a supporting player, but he won't be taking over the franchise as the rumors initially had it. We've seen this same act from Mr. Lucas before when he shattered our dreams of a Jar Jar Strikes Back feature. Jar Jar -- poor, useless sad idiot that he was -- was phased out of the prequels almost entirely. Will Mutt be faced with the same fate?

THIS. WILL. NOT. STAND.

Mutt swings from a vine, the mob grabs their torches and it's off with his head? Well, let me tell you a little something about Mutt "Hank Williams" Jones, Mr. Lucas. He will not go gently into that good night. Hey, you got a problem with that? He's a wild one, this Mutt. He's got the stuff of Coppola's greasers, only he ain't no puny Ponyboy neither. His mother has spunk and a resume of derring-do. His biological dad eats arks of the covenant, holy grails and Indian death cults for breakfast. You think none of that mojo was passed on? Think again, pal.

He's been abandoned by his father, used by monkeys and stung by scorpions and he keeps coming back. He's a fencing champ from his preppier days, but he left those buttoned-up wussies behind a long time ago. Them were the "Henry" days, but he's made himself anew. Now he's Mutt, named after a dog, just like the ol' man. And don't you try nothing because out comes the switchblade -- and oh boy, you better believe he knows how to use it. He knows how to get by, because he knows in this world you need three things: a switchblade, a motorcycle and damnit, a comb.

What I'm saying is, how do you not make a spin-off movie about this guy? He's a complete original, devoid of any cliche whatsoever. He didn't hurt the movie at all. The scene with the monkeys was amazing! And his duel with Irana Spalko did not come out of nowhere. See, because he took fencing ...

But you know what, big daddy? Mutt doesn't need to explain himself to you. He follows his own path. He doesn't take orders from some has-been fatso in a plaid flannel shirt and jeans. He marches to the beat of his own drum. He'll do a spin-off movie if he wants to. Right now he's got hair to comb and a motorcycle to crash. He's got teenage girls from here to Kalamazoo looking to play a little back seat bingo, running their fingers through his rockabilly hair. He's Mutt Williams, heir to Indy's throne.

Get out of his way.

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