With the opening of Oprah's online shop and a physical store in Chicago, everyone will now be able to bear the mark of the "O" and be spared the trials and tribulations that await us in the end times -- wait, scratch that, wrong story.

When news first reached me about the opening of The Oprah Store, my first thought was, "You mean there wasn't one already?" That's right -- somehow in all her years of media saturation, Oprah forgot to open a store. But we finally have what we've been waiting for, and just in time for the holidays. Even though Oprah could be raking in money that she doesn't really need by selling all of her Favorite Things and Book Club picks, the queen of all media does not sell any of her endorsements, I assume for the obvious middleman reasons. Instead, Oprah focuses on clothing, African crafts, items stamped with motivational messages and products emblazoned with the sacred letter "O."

After browsing every corner of the site, I must sadly report that I found nothing I'm dying to own. Most of the items are basic pieces you would find in any airport gift shop. A few feature some of Oprah's favorite sayings by which she lives -- all of course are coined by Oprah herself. But however inspiring these phrases, nothing can liven up the drab colored bags and shirts on which they are printed. I would have to say that the Oprah Store is a pass until they create more distinct and interesting products. However, I do have good news for all the Olivias, Odiles and Ophelias of the world: This is your holy grail. Because when Oprah sets out to make herself an idol, you win! Cashmere cardigans, luggage, make-up bags and teapots all bear your letter in The Oprah Store. So enjoy it for the rest of us; you deserve this. And if anyone can explain the meaning of "What you do today, creates every tomorrow," please let me know.

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