Sacha Howells,
Sep 23, 2008
So David Hasselhoff has signed on for a sequel to Beverly Hills Ninja, one of those awful latter-day Chris Farley movies. This has serious potential to be the Worst Sequel Ever MadeTM, but there's some heavy competition. Here's a look at the worst of the worst. Feel free to nominate your own candidates in the comments. (Or defend a personal favorite, like if you really love Grease 2.)
Staying Alive
Maybe the least necessary sequel of all time. Saturday Night Fever was a sociological portrait of a moment when disco was king and even blue-collar guys put on their boogie shoes come the weekend. It was a huge hit, and John Travolta was nominated for Best Actor. Staying Alive, directed by Sylvester Stallone, has Travolta reprising Tony Manero as a wanna-be Broadway dancer. Think headbands and legwarmers. It's just pathetic. It made money, but the critical reaction to the movie was so bad that it's been blamed for Travolta's career slide in the eighties and nineties, until Quentin Tarantino rescued him with Pulp Fiction. Watch this movie, and you'll think maybe Tarantino should have left him in the Look Who's Talking ghetto.
Caddyshack II
I'm not the first and I won't be the last to complain about this utter pile of trash, but it can't go unmentioned. The classic original captured Chevy Chase, Bill Murray, Ted Knight, and Rodney Dangerfield at the height of their powers, with unforgettable lines and a serious cult following. The sequel swapped Dan Aykroyd for Murray ("You know Bill Murray, right? Wanna be in a movie?"), Jackie Mason for Rodney Dangerfield, and Robert Stack for Ted Knight. Oh, and suddenly the gopher could magically talk. All around, just . . . why?
Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd
Yes, the original was idiotic. But at least it had Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels aboard to make the sure the "zaniness" had a few laughs in it. This completely unnecessary prequel had no Farrelly brothers and no stars (with the exception of Eugene Levy, who has the worst agent in Hollywood), and featured recycled gags like chocolate in the underpants and an Asian character called Ching-Chong. Oh my sides. It got an incredibly bad 10% critic rating on Rotten Tomatoes (although Staying Alive does have it beat, with a hard to believe 0% -- ouch).
Rock 'n' Roll High School Forever
Rock 'n' Roll High School was a funny, weird send-up of the old juvenile delinquent movies of the fifties and sixties, starring punk godfathers the Ramones. Twelve years later, this unbelievably awful sequel starred Corey Feldman -- officially the least rock and roll person on the planet -- as the "singer" of a "band" called the Eradicators. These punk rebels get up to crazy high jinks like flushing all the toilets at the same time. Fight the power indeed.
Grease 2
Eric recently gave this one the business, so I won't go into it in depth. But let me leave you with these two words: Adrian Zmed.
The Sting II
Paul Newman and Robert Redford starred in The Sting, an intricate tale of Depression-era grifters that won seven Academy Awards, including Best Picture. Ten years later Jackie Gleason and Mac Davis -- playing the same roles -- starred in The Sting II, a cheap redo that won nothing at nothing. How anybody could mistake Gleason for Newman, I have no idea. I have a feeling the geniuses behind this movie don't either. And frankly, I don't know who Mac Davis is. Once again, I have a feeling the geniuses behind this movie don't either.
Blues Brothers 2000
A shameless stab at cashing in on the legacy of a great movie. Dan Aykroyd, making his second appearance on this list, reprises his role as Jake Elwood, while John Goodman dances on Belushi's grave playing Mighty Mack McTeer, the new heavy of the Blues Brothers stage show. Throw in a cute orphan kid, Nia Peeples, and Blues Traveler, and this flaming dung heap is the one they'll all be called to task for in the hereafter. "You were in Blues Brothers 2000? No heaven for you." And by the way, it came out in 1998.
Speed 2: Cruise Control
Let's face it, Speed wasn't a great movie. But the sequel, with Sandra Bullock but minus Keanu Reeves (who knew it would make a difference?) is like watching ice melt. In the original, a bus was stuck going fifty mph on the LA freeways, which is a challenge even at midnight. In the sequel, a cruise ship is put on autopilot, aimed for an island. Eek.
The problems with a list like this is that it can never, ever be complete. I didn't even get to Exorcist II: The Heretic, and Highlander 2, and Godfather III.
And somewhere out there, right now, a guy just greenlit Juno II: The Twins.
